Sat next to someone famous

[Associate of Daniel]

Bear with me...

My father's career was in the entertainment industry so I grew up meeting and sometimes spending time with various famous actors and singers. Most were from our country but many were/are international "stars" as well.

Many of them are long time friends and colleagues of Dad. Some he just met briefly.

Dad would tell many stories of his interractions with them so I knew various bits and pieces about them that the public didn't.

This helped to keep the stars out of my eyes. Afterall, "celebrities" are people doing a job who use the toilet just like I do. Some are downright rude and extremely difficult to work with. Some are really beautiful, down to earth people.

Despite being brought up in the realities of the industry, I was never confident as a child/teenager/young adult to approach these people myself.  If I happened to be with Dad while he spoke with them I'd be stupidly nervous and wouldn't say boo unless spoken to.

Dad's been retired now for nearly 20 years so that aspect of my life is over.

Yesterday I was priveleged to attend a couple of concerts.  The first was of a world famous pianist.

I happened to be sitting next to one of the choristers who was to perform in the following concert.  She's been on the choral scene for donkies' years and is well recognised in the industry.

I plucked up enough courage to chat with her, to confirm a thought in my mind that she knew a couple of friends of mine from many years ago through my own feeble dabbles in the singing world.

I actually was brave enough to give her my email address to pass on to one of them.

Later, I attended her concert, only to be seated next to the pianist from the first one. A deliberate arrangement organised by my sister who was working the box office. Thanks, Sis!

I managed to pluck up enough courage to speak briefly with him as well.  (His concert was AMAZING, by the way. Both concerts were.)

I say all this for a reason.

I know that most people as we age manage to gain confidence and maturity.

I wish I'd had the confidence I have now, when I was younger. I don't think I'm alone there.

But something's niggling at me. 

In my case, I don't think my new (small amount) of confidence is coming from a good place.

I think it's coming from a place of anger and of mistrust. A mistrust that sometimes results in not caring enough.

I'm angry at myself for not being more confident when I was younger. I might not have ended up with the pds in my life if I'd been more confident.

I'm angry at my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife for all their false accusations and for making my life so difficult.

Because of them I have trust issues, particularly regarding men. This then sometimes makes me think along the lines of, "I have something to say. I have a right to say it. I mean no offense by it. If someone is offended by what I say, that's their problem."

I'm not rude or critical. I'm friendly, happy and interested in what others have to say. I doubt anyone would know my difficulties with trust or anger.

Anyway, I think I'm at a midway point in my healing.

I'm gaining the confidence in myself I've not really had all my life but it's driven by negative issues I have, that I need to work on.  That about sums it up.

Just thought I'd share.

AOD

[Spygirl]

I find it wonderful that you can openly speak of these things and are aware.

It appears to be the key in dropping this baggage we carry around.

Its awesome! Thank you for sharing.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I don't see it as a bad thing that you're doing a good thing out of a place of anger. I mean, you have something to be angry about. From your posts here you don't seem like a deeply bitter person. It seems likely that after a little while of doing the right thing, you'll have proved to yourself that you have it in you, and you can just carry on doing well without being so triggered behind the good actions. From where I'm sitting, this seems like some kind of scrupulosity. Perhaps I'm missing something, though.

I had a similar experience when teaching my daughter to ride her bike. My dad "taught" me like a drill sergeant, complete with screaming "You're pathetic!" At a six year old. So when it was time for me to teach my child, I was extra encouraging, cheering her on every step, but behind the "good mom" mask I was seething with anger. So yeah, a big part of me was being a good mom "at" my dad. But so what? I know that part of my inner child seriously needing help and healing. I still did all right by my kid. And you did all right too. You were in a triggering situation and you DID IT. Next time it will be easier.

[athene1399]

AoD,

Going off of what you said, IMO it doesn't matter what fuels us to change as long as we are changing for the better. Sometimes greatness comes from great trauma. Sometimes hate fuels us to be better or to not be that broken, mouse of a person who let everyone take advantage us because that's how we were trained. But I've also learned that hating ourselves is counterproductive. But sometimes hating who we were is the right push to get us moving in the right direction. Try to think of self-compassionate thoughts from time to time though. It helps. We let people walk all over us before, but now we know better. Good lessons are always hard lessons. It sucks that we had to go through it, but we will grow and learn. Many PDs know how to dupe people like it's their job. Don't hate yourself for falling for one. Just strive to learn from your mistakes.

Being self-aware is key, too. Then if we start to develop bad habits we can nip them before they get too bad. For example, I've been noticing I'm developing a feeling of entitlement. I think it's because I was never allowed to have a voice or to ever have wants/needs. Now I'm like "too bad, I deserve this because of the crap I went through before" which isn't right either. But in some ways I think (with me anyway) the pendulum swings full the other way so I become the opposite of who I was as a child before it eventually finds its center in healthy behavior. And now that I've noticed this "entitlement" issue, I can work on an inner dialogue and learn to balance it out.

Cordelia,

Thank you for sharing your story! I am so glad I wasn't the only one who got screamed at while learning to ride a bike (Is that even the right thing to say?  ). It somehow makes it feel more normal. Anyway, like you said, how we do the opposite of our parents; I do that with SD. I remember how mom made me feel like crap and invalidated every thing I said. I wasn't allowed to feel what I did and my anxiety was hilarious to both parents. So I make sure I make sure SD knows that I hear what she is saying and I take her feelings seriously. And I make sure she knows that. I never had that, so I make sure that she does.

We all lived through a bunch of serious crap. We are survivors. Healing doesn't happen overnight. I still oscillate between hating the world and everything in it to being okay and having a positive outlook. I know that one day I will find my center. I hope you find yours too! 

[Spygirl]

Athene, cordelia,

Me too!

I was screamed at for not doing anything right, so pdm would step in and do things. Then complain  that she had to do all the wk.

I was told i was lazy. Stupid.
I was desperate for any little compliment, validation. I cant remember her ever saying she loved me.

So i tried harder. I totally see that i was brainwashed now.

I now see how i ended up with stbxh.

So glad we we have been able to recognize and start healing that trauma.