What do you do to relax?

[Morocha2015]

My doctor has told me I'm pre Grave's disease and it's imperative I get my stress level down for my health. It seems whenever I start feeling better a parent will find a way to contact me and ramp up my anxiety again. My BPD M sent a letter recently (DH read it for me and shredded it). In the letter apparently she said she'd keep sending gifts for the kids on their birthdays and at Christmas and she won't stop. My NF sent me a text last night that said "I miss you and I'm sorry" which is problematic because he doesn't even know me and I'm skeptical he even knows what to be sorry for.

I want to be NC but they feel inescapable. I'm trying to journal my feelings and take care of myself. Sleep has been eluding me. What all has worked for you?

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you for posting this.  I'm in a different situation but need the same advice.  I hope some people give good suggestions.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I had hyperthyroid when I went NC, and relentless hoovering certainly made things much harder. Are you taking anything for your anxiety? It's so hard to feel you have no control over your NC.

A cease and desist letter sent by certified mail worked to stop the hoovering in my case. In the meantime, only DH got the mail. I blocked them from my phone and e-mail, and dumped social media all together. I became a hermit for a while while I got my health under control. It's hard because I'm sure your doctor is right, you do need less stress, but am I right in thinking you're taking it as that much more pressure of things that you're not doing right? You're under enormous strain and you are doing your best! For me, this was the hardest thing I've been through in my life.

Are there supportive people in your life whom you can ask for help? Babysit so you can nap or go to therapy? Can you let some housework go or hire out grocery delivery or something? If you're like me those things all fire up the guilt, but it was a gift to the whole family when I did what I needed to take care of myself and get well.

[Penny Lane]

This is very relevant to my life as well and I am NOT good at relaxing.

Just today my therapist gave me some excellent advice which is that you have to disrupt the pathways in your brain. She said that like water thoughts create a sort of pathway and you have to cut the stress thoughts off and create new pathways.

Once you start going down the path of stress thoughts, what can distract you? Clean the house, take a walk, watch a movie, play a game with the kids? Figure out what things truly bring you out of that mindset. She suggested even making a list that I could consult when I'm in the middle of that stress.

[Sidney37]

I eat lunch once every few weeks at a cafe that has live music.  I don't always even love the music, but it helps immensely.  Live music is something I enjoy.  In addition to having  a PD mom who I am in the beginnings of NC with, I have special needs children.  It's stressful.  My old therapist kept suggesting meditation.  It didn't work for me, but it does for some people.  I found meditation difficult.  Exercise has helped me.  I don't like exercise classes, but exercising by myself at a little gym where I see the same people to say hello to has been nice.   I took a pottery class for a while.  That was helpful as long as I wasn't in the class with the other PD student.  That made things worse.   Sometimes I just drive in my car to the prettiest places near me listening to music I like while driving.  It seems like a giant waste of time and gas, but it helps. 

I sat around thinking about what I liked to do before life got stressful with kids, husband, coming Out of the FOG, etc.  What I really loved.  I tried to find ways to do those things in my current situation and community even in small doses.  We are also working on gratitude journaling at my house.  It's made a huge difference in the stress level as well.  Hope this helps. 

[gettingstronger1]

I like to listen to music to relax.  I find music to be very healing.  There is a sweet little song called  "Rainbow Connection" by Kenny Loggins.  It has nothing to do with personality disorders.  It is just relaxing to listen too when you are coming home from a stressful day at work.  This might sound silly, but there is an even cuter version of "Rainbow Connection" sung by Kermit the Frog.  It is just so nice and takes my mind off problems. You can easily find these two songs on Spotify. 

When I am thinking about being strong and surviving my family, I like the song "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera.  She is singing about a man who wronged her but the words could easily be applied to overcoming a dysfunctional family. She basically says she is a fighter and she will never give up. She has learned to be stronger and more independent instead of letting the situation defeat her. I find the message to be empowering.

[beacartoonheart]

One word " motorcycle"

[Nominuke]

Currently, I read, listen to music, watch movies, draw, paint, exercise, spend time with my FOC to relax. The list of things you can do is endless.

I thinks it's important to do a bit of what you like especially when you're stressed.

[Feral Child]

In the early days of coming Out of the FOG, when it felt like the rage and pain would engulf me, I'd drive north on the freeway and when there was no traffic around me, I'd turn on a really loud angry song and scream.  Just let it all out. 

I'd scream until my chest hurt.  And then I'd head home and clean the house.  Once the rage was tamed (at least temporarily) I could work on relaxing.

There are already a lot of great suggestions posted here.  I'm certain you will be able to find something that works for you. 

I love to watch or even just listen to funny movies that I know almost by heart.  For me it is like having a favorite bedtime story read to me.  I'm very partial to Mystery Science Theater, Cinematic Titanic, and RiffTrax since I have a special fondness for "bad" movies!

I hope you find your way to peace.  There are so many little things you can do that will tame the tension.  Please know that you deserve happiness.  We are here cheering you on. 

[TwentyTwenty]

It sounds simple, but I choose to focus on the positive people in my life, and the ones that bring me happiness, joy and peace.

My nM hates me and has labeled me as 'evil'. But she is wrong, and I know better.

She is just another wrong, hateful person in the world, but I have SO MANY people - FOC, friends, co-workers that make me happy.

I choose to spend my thought-time on the ones that make me happy, and ignore. nM and the other millions of hateful people in the world. They just aren't worth my time, and nM is just another one of them..

Once I realized that there is a multitude of bad, hurtful people in the world, and my nM is just one of them, why would I give any of them any of my time?

[Mum2one]

I've managed to find multiple things....

Take a long hot shower. Yoga. Surf the internet, read, yoga, jump on trampoline, walk, spend time with my daughter or friends.

Yesterday was a particularly hard day but while surfing the internet, I read a comment that said an effective tool is to pretend to put your worries in a safe and lock it away. So that is what I did. I imagined that I physically grabbed the knot in my stomach and tension in my chest and put it in a safe. I also imaged putting the words and sentences that I ruminate on and locked them in the safe too.

Honestly, it wasn't perfect but it helped so much. If I started to think about that stuff, I'd remind myself that it was all locked away and not accessible. It really helped. Hope this helps you to.

[Adria]

I like to read a fun book to take me away, listen to smooth piano jazz, go for walks in the woods.

[Amadahy]

I sit in the woods, sometimes for hours, and let the sun and wind caress my tired soul.  Sometimes I journal whilst there, sometimes not. Yoga w Adrienne on YouTube has yoga for stress and yoga for anxiety that's restorative. I have had great results from craniosacral massage if you have a practitioner in your area. I hope you find peace and strength and healing. ❤️

[sarandro]

Beacartoon heart.....Motorcycle too (and trike!)

I play the drums very very loudly and sing, I paint, do the garden and make meditation cushions.
Going NC has given me myself backXXXX

[Andeza]

I'm VLC not NC, but I feel like some of the relaxation techniques are the same regardless. I'll list some things from most helpful to least. As I was coming Out of the FOG I was pregnant, and hypothyroid. Scared my midwives and they put me on medication to help regulate. Now, things have stabilized.

1 Video games. The mindless ones like minecraft where you get caught up building stuff for hours.
2 A walk/exercise. This was also good for postpartum blues, which I now don't have any more.
3 Hobbies. In my case, chickens and beekeeping. Homesteading on a tiny spec of land in the city, which is challenging, but good practice.
4 Relaxation videos on Youtube. ASMR is usually good, with lots of creators to choose from until you find one you like, as are guided meditations. Many of the ASMR creators are dealing with similar struggles in their lives and have videos specifically addressing issues we are familiar with, like second guessing our decisions.
5 Reading. Grab a good book to take you away. A long series might be a bit hard early on, so I recommend stand alone books or even audio books.
6 Self care like spa days, a massage, a bubble bath, etc.

Someone mentioned that thoughts are like water and we have to interrupt the flow. I concur. It's entirely too easy to get stuck in a rut. That's when I break out one of the above items.

[mrsstrezy]

All great suggestions for relaxation!!  I've decided one of the things I'm going to do is make a point to get out of town more.  do some "microtrips"...short weekends away to make memories with my kids and DH.  We will be going out of state multiple times in the next few months!