OCPD vs OCD

[Wilderhearts]

A common experience for me is that the uOCPDw gets angry to the point of a violent verbal tirade over what appears to be a minor issue or something that could be an "agree to disagree" situation.   The anger is often not directed at the other party's behavior or the actual wrong; it is the fact that the other person may now rinse out the bottles before recycling but doesn't believe the step is necessary.    The behavior change doesn't matter, the problem is that they don't agree with the importance of the rule.

I find this really interesting, because having been the target of some of those violent verbal tirades, I never recognized that the pwOCPD was trying to manipulate me into agreeing that the trivial thing IS A BIG DEAL.  I really thought it was about the behaviour itself and just coercing (bullying) me and others into compliance.  But I do see this now - this is why they give endless rationales for why they're "Right" and play the victim so much.  I often felt the pwOCPD that I've encountered were trying to make me feel like I was lacking compassion and empathy for just how badly they're affected by actions just as a means of guilt tripping to exert control, but yeah, maybe they really really just want their feelings validated.  Wow, they really must feel invalid.

Another interesting thing I've considered about pwOCPD is the concept of "self-organization."  Self-organization is coordinating different aspects of yourself (say, estimating, time management, self-control) in order to adapt in new ways.  From what I've seen of pwOCPD they lack this adaptive ability.  Everyone else and everything around them has to be perfectly organized and predictable, because nothing within them naturally is - it's why they have to rely on their system of rules.  At least that's my theory

[11JB68]

1st, Jsinjin, uOCPDh never will 'agree to disagree'. In fact I think that is one of his most disliked phrases.
2...wilder hearts, I think you've really touched on something there! Wow. UOCPDH will get so upset if I'm15 minutes late, but in reality he has very little grasp or sense of time himself...