An update and maybe helpful for those trying to get out of their relationship

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mrstring

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As some here now that I decided to pay off the car and gift it to her. Financially it stinks but I have peace of mind. Today I got a text from my ex's oldest son, he was looking for the car Vin and lic plates. I called him to see what happened. We are on good terms now so it's cool. Apparently she drove the car off the road because two tires exploded. Since I transferred liability to her I am not liable. He told me her mental health has continued to get worse, added to that she is back on the drugs so he took her to the psychiatric ward where they kept her for a few days. The thing I get out of it is that NO ONE can help them, I gifted the car and now probably neither will have it now. I am at peace with that. Her kids offered her help, she kept getting worse and worse and made it impossible for anyone to be around. I know some of you are thinking that maybe if I am nice enough or give enough I can convince them that I am a good person or that things will get better. I don't think it ever will unless they seek out help themselves.

It is sad she is homeless now, not on the streets but without a car, who knows now. Part of me is sad that someone who I did care about has deteriorated to this point. I am in a far better place and don't feel responsible for her anymore but it's a tough life lesson all those years I have wasted naively thinking things would improve and if I did enough she would get better or stand up on her own two feet.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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bohemian butterfly

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Part of me is sad that someone who I did care about has deteriorated to this point. I am in a far better place and don't feel responsible for her anymore but it's a tough life lesson all those years I have wasted naively thinking things would improve and if I did enough she would get better or stand up on her own two feet.

Mrstring,

Thank you for posting.  I am so glad that you got out, that you are at peace and are no longer in a toxic relationship.  You are right, you aren't responsible for her.  Just think, she may have taken you down with her if you hadn't left.  Thank you for being brave and strong.  You give me hope.  Take care.

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mrstring

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Thank you for the kind words. I don't feel strong, I just feel like I survived. I was with her for 14 years but should have cut my loses years ago.

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pushit

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Just wanted to write that I support you 100%.  We're all responsible for our own behavior, and nobody should have to constantly fix another's self-created problems.  I remember reading about the car dilemma awhile back, it sounds like you found a good solution.  It was a good solution for both of you, unfortunately she messed it up but it's not your problem to fix now.

Stay strong, friend.


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mrstring

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Just wanted to write that I support you 100%.  We're all responsible for our own behavior, and nobody should have to constantly fix another's self-created problems.  I remember reading about the car dilemma awhile back, it sounds like you found a good solution.  It was a good solution for both of you, unfortunately she messed it up but it's not your problem to fix now.

Stay strong, friend.

Thank you. It was very very hard to do, not fixing the situation.

On a positive note her daughter texted me on Father's day, saying that she loves me and how much she appreciated me during those 14 years. It was very touching and kind of validating.

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bohemian butterfly

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Just wanted to write that I support you 100%.  We're all responsible for our own behavior, and nobody should have to constantly fix another's self-created problems.  I remember reading about the car dilemma awhile back, it sounds like you found a good solution.  It was a good solution for both of you, unfortunately she messed it up but it's not your problem to fix now.

Stay strong, friend.

Thank you. It was very very hard to do, not fixing the situation.

On a positive note her daughter texted me on Father's day, saying that she loves me and how much she appreciated me during those 14 years. It was very touching and kind of validating.

Your post made me tear up.  Thank you for sharing that tender moment. 

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EnufZnuf

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 Encouraging. Iím at 27 years, and Iíve finally had enough. I didnít even know what was happening (covert NPD) until after I moved out, and our daughter got me to study about the topic. Anyway, thanks for your post.

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mrstring

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Encouraging. Iím at 27 years, and Iíve finally had enough. I didnít even know what was happening (covert NPD) until after I moved out, and our daughter got me to study about the topic. Anyway, thanks for your post.

You are welcome. I am glad it helps at all.