ups and downs

[Pepin]

I haven't seen PDmil in months and am likely off the hook until hopefully August if I am lucky.  While I still have a lot of anxiety and a lot of inner work to do, it has been wonderful not having to lay eyes on her.  Her facial appearance absolutely turns my stomach into knots, especially her eyes and the way her mouth hangs open.  The sound of her raspy voice is something that I cannot bear to hear anymore, even though she doesn't speak English -- yet when she calls DH on the phone she can be clearly heard from across the room in her baby girl voice that she does.  DH is a grown man for frick's sake but she still has to remind him that she is his mommy!  *sigh*

During these last few months though there has been no shortage of her calling DH to ask for help....for things that obviously PDs are helpless at.  God forbid she drop her pen on the ground and ask DH to drive over and pick it up for her!  Her to do list is hands down ridiculous -- things that most people can pick up the phone and hire a service for or do themselves!  But she suddenly decided she didn't want to speak English anymore as a way to keep her son close to her by having him do things for her.  DH literally has seen her every weekend.     So while I don't have to see her, she makes the kids and I pay by stealing away DH. 

I am trying my very best not to let any of this ruffle me.  When DH leaves I remain neutral.  I don't ask what he does or when he will return.  If he returns sooner than I anticipated, then I let him know how happy I am to have him back!     If PDmil calls, I leave the room making DH think that I have something else to do.  This is just the way it has to be for now...

I don't know if DH will ever see the light.  But as long as I see it, it is enough for me to keep going. 

[JayBird]

Hi Pepin- I am so sorry that you have such a  struggle with your PDmil. Its so hard when we don't want anything to do with a toxic person in our lives, yet  H keeps that door open.

I found myself in the market one day and down the isle I saw an elder woman who looked a lot like my uNmil. This woman was just a an innocent person minding her own business , but I found myself feeling loads of contempt for her and within myself I was building up all this negative energy. It was then that decided to start working with good T, found this site and began focusing real hard on trying to stop all the negative rumination going on inside my head. And I am still trying (and gaining some traction). What was an immense help for me was Pete Walker's book, PTSD, from Surviving to Thriving. He describes how he managed to change the negative voice/thought pattern in his head almost as if building a muscle through "reps"  which required daily attention and concentration, but he succeeded.