Hell has frozen over.

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acc1984

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Hell has frozen over.
« on: June 17, 2019, 05:10:31 PM »
Hello all!

I just got some really exciting news (I didn't think my coworkers would really get it) I wanted to share! For the last few years DH and I have been hoping to gain control of the kid's insurance. BM has carried it since the divorce and has already let it lapse (without notifying DH) twice. A year or so ago DH offered to carry the insurance. Ours was a little cheaper than hers but our attorney said it wasn't enough to make a stink about. DH pays 80% and we were frustrated that he didn't get more of a say as we were covering the majority of the cost. So we waited.

I've read a lot on here about using the BPD's selfishness to your advantage and we finally got the opportunity!  The kids came home several weeks ago talking about how BM was going to quit her job. Long story, but she's living in a house paid for by her MUCH younger (4 years older than the oldest kid) boyfriend. She's been working part-time and the boyfriend recently got a raise (from what we know about his profession it couldn't be much and I have no idea how they're paying for their rental-regardless) and now she wants to quit! A few days later I received an email from our HR department that open enrollment for health insurance was coming up and DH and I looked at each other and just smiled. We both knew that she was probably over there trying to figure out how to quit and cover the kids after INSISTING that she continue to carry their coverage (we all know that was just about control).

DH sent her a very chill email about how "Open enrollment is coming up and the coverage on this one plan is great and... what do you know?! It's MUCH cheaper than what we're paying now!!" She pretended to have some questions/concerns but the next time the kids came back for their week they were already chirping about how "BM is going to quit her job because you're going to cover our insurance!" I mean... this was a 10 year old.

SO. Be encouraged!! Be patient! It doesn't always work out like this but I think we've learned to at least initially avoid the fight and to just wait to see what happens. Our reflex is to want control of things to keep the kids safe and provided for and it's scary to think that when she's in charge of things the kids need they can just be discarded at any moment!

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Hell has frozen over.
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2019, 05:43:41 PM »
This is good news.  Thanks for sharing!

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Penny Lane

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Re: Hell has frozen over.
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2019, 05:58:16 PM »
This is such great news! I can't tell you how much all of our lives, including BM's, improved when the kids went on H's insurance. We didn't have to worry that their health insurance was constantly on the verge of lapsing (or was lapsed without us knowing). And DH didn't have to pay BM for insurance that she wasn't obtaining. BM ended up having more money in her pocket at the end of every month. And best of all it knocked out conflict between the two of them that was happening on a monthly basis. Hopefully it goes as well for you as it did for us!
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 06:22:52 PM by Penny Lane »

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athene1399

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Re: Hell has frozen over.
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2019, 09:16:31 AM »
The insurance is such a pain. BM lapsed SD's insurance a few times without us knowing and uses it as a money grab as well. I'm so glad this worked out for you guys! That is one less thing to stress about. :)