But it’s your family

[doglady]

But It's Your Family...: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath

I found this book very interesting. A clinical psychologist writes about her lived experience of growing up with PD parents and subsequent no contact. Validating, helpful and powerful.
Has anyone else read it?
I could not put it down on my first quick read and am now going through it again more slowly.

[Psuedonym]

I had never heard of it, but Just downloaded the free sample of it and will definitely buy it. It's really well written so far, and nice to have a psychologist talking from personal experience as well as giving her clinical insight. Thanks, doglady!!

[Lilyloo]

Thank You doglady! I'll go to amazon and look into buying this book.  Validation is so key in healing.

[Psuedonym]

I read it, doglady! I found it very insightful and spot on. Glad you also enjoyed it.

[nanotech]

I've just ordered this book!  Thanks, Doglady!

Hope everything goes well with you, and that you are okay in this weird year we are all having.
I'm just watching by the window for it to arrive from Amazon!

[doglady]

Good to hear others here have got something out of this book.
And yeah, Nano, I'm still alive and kicking in these weird times. Can't say I've minded social distancing at all (wrt to reducing the possibility of fending off unwanted family visits).
Hope you find the book useful. Would be interested to hear your thoughts when you've finished it. 

[Hepatica]

I just finished reading this book last night. It is really good. It seems, I hope, like we are getting more and more toward a critical mass of people learning about the futility of trying to work with disordered people who refuse to change. I have got the 'but it's your sister' said to me directly. People who have no context for toxic families can really throw a person back into FOG so easily and I can't wait until the idea of distancing from toxic people, even family, is more accepted by the mainstream. I feel such relief after reading this. So much of my guilt has cleared and I know I'll go back to the book and re-read it whenever I get foggy.

It's a great book and I really recommend it to everyone.

[nanotech]

Good to hear others here have got something out of this book.
And yeah, Nano, I'm still alive and kicking in these weird times. Can't say I've minded social distancing at all (wrt to reducing the possibility of fending off unwanted family visits).
Hope you find the book useful. Would be interested to hear your thoughts when you've finished it. 

Doglady, This book is really incredible. It kept me going during the hot summer months. I've highlighted it a LOT. There's SO much in it that's helpful. It's very comprehensive.
I think I might collate its main points and put them in my file.
I'm collating a written file- so far it contains transcriptions from  videos by Kris Godinez and Jerry Wise.
Either that, or I will add post its to the texts. I want to be able to refer to some of the conceptual quotes at a moment's notice.
This book really explains the concept of forgiveness. How there is no place for the kind of forgiveness society plugs, because that places pressure upon the victim.
I've been the target of victim shaming and been told I SHOULD forgive my abuser 'for your own sake' and because ' they are a damaged person'.
This upset me a lot. I was there to heal myself not the perpetrator?
This came from a reiki healer, of all people.
This book reflected my feelings on the uneasiness I felt when hearing this, and recommended that the answer is acceptance, rather than blind forgiveness. Offering forgiveness unconditionally, just enables toxic people, and then they reoffend.
This happens even if they seem sorry at the time.
( it's usually a 'Sorry, but..........' kind of sorry!)
I've linked the findings and the advice given in the book to my own experiences  by writing personal notes/ examples in the margins. Immensely helpful, therapeutic, cathartic.
Thank you!!x

[doglady]

Great to hear you found it so helpful, Nano, and you make some really helpful points. Like you, I highlighted so much (nearly the whole book, it seemed!) as I read it on a Kindle. So glad it got you through the Summer.

I'm collating a written file- so far it contains transcriptions from  videos by Kris Godinez and Jerry Wise.
Either that, or I will add post its to the texts. I want to be able to refer to some of the conceptual quotes at a moment's notice.

This is such a great idea. I have bits and pieces all over the place, as I need to keep referring back to all the things that have helped me.

This book really explains the concept of forgiveness. How there is no place for the kind of forgiveness society plugs, because that places pressure upon the victim.
I've been the target of victim shaming and been told I SHOULD forgive my abuser 'for your own sake' and because ' they are a damaged person'.
This upset me a lot. I was there to heal myself not the perpetrator? 

This is such a great point. It's like, historically, society wants the victim of the abuse to do. All. The. Work. While the abuser never has to. Dr Sherrie is having none of that rot, thank goodness! Just No.