Tools: Responses, Deflection, Affirmations, Self-advocating, Boundaries, etc?

[ridethewaves]

Can you please all share your tools when dealing with PDs during family functions? Examples would be greatly appreciated so I can practice this.

Please also list what you say to them, what you say to yourself, etc., during difficult moments/conversations.

I'm the scapegoat and am looking for different ways to deal. For example, I had a friend suggest that every time my PDfm talks about how she's fixing up her vacation house in excrutiating detail, to keep score. Stuff like that.

Also what can I say to myself on the trip out to see them? I need to break the habit of obsessively worrying what they might do or say, or reliving old memories.

[Thru the Rain]

My favorite tactics:

- Always be ready to move. Sitting can be a trap, so stay standing.

- If you're at a seated event, get up and *visit* safe people.

- I'm always ready to see someone across the room I *have to* say Hi to.

- Always be ready to *need* to go to the restroom.

- Always be ready to take a short walk on your own. Or a breather. Or if you're at an outdoors event, "I need a few minutes out of the sun".

- Always have your own transportation, so you're not trapped waiting for someone else to agree to leave.

- If an overnight stay is required, stay in a hotel.

- Arrive late and leave early.

- Smile and be very vague.

- I found this one by accident. My DH has hearing aids and has genuine problems hearing. He gets out of all sorts of conversations because he clearly can't hear anything in loud echoing places. Make a sad face, point to your ear and say "I just can't hear well in this sort of crowd."

[scapegoatnumerouno]

Thru The Rain....I did everything on your list this weekend!!!!  It works!!  And the ....I sat down....I got caught and had to "greet" someone who hasn't acknowledged me for three years.  I learned...don't sit!  Very great tools you have here.

[ridethewaves]

These are fantastic tools. They remind me of what a previous therapist gave me.

Unfortunately sometimes the pwNPD will just wait for you to come back and continue where they left off, but this is at least a start.