The perfect nurse (except with her daughter)

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Writingthepain

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The perfect nurse (except with her daughter)
« on: June 23, 2019, 05:58:32 AM »
My npd mom is a nurse, I've seen her in action many times,  she's superb and if anyone had an emergency situation there's no other nurse I'd recommend more....
Except when it comes to me, I have a catalogue of experiences from childhood to adulthood when my mom behaved appallingly when confronted with an injury or illness. Often ignoring my needs completely or refusing to be live there's anything wrong at all, right up until I collapse and have to be attended to by strangers. I have several memories of fainting and being aware as I lost consciousness that moms responce was to shout at me to stop being silly! I've been woken up as a child by her man handling a broken arm because despite the x Ray she refused to be live it was broken! I've spent a weekend with a broken thumb as a kid again because it was her day off and she didn't feel like taking me to hospital. I spent a terrible evening in agony As a teen when I broke several bones in my foot but she had already arranged to babysit for a freind so instead of taking her crying limping daughter to hospital she dragged me out to babysit instead! I could go on and on...
As a kid whenever illness made me fractious  (I wouldn't dare at up at any other time) she would fail to spot the warning signs and decide I needed a firm hand (on the wooden spoon/slipper/ belt) then complain when I broke out in a dangerous temperature, rash or vomiting that I'd made her feel guilty for disciplining me.
People would often say to me as a kid how lucky I was to have a mom who was a nurse, I'd think well if only I could experience the amazing nurse she is to everyone else!

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Twinkletoes88

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Re: The perfect nurse (except with her daughter)
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2019, 07:38:04 AM »
Firstly I am really sorry to hear this and I’m so sorry for you having to go through this and secondly I wanted to say that my mum is also a nurse. Well, she says she’s a nurse, she’s actually a health care assistant.

Anyway. My mother was the same with me. She couldn’t handle me being sick as a child so made me clean it up - she couldn’t handle blood so when I cut my head open, someone else had to deal with it and when I was older and needed an operation she said SHE was scared and that I was selfish ! In the operating room she fainted and had to sit with her head between her legs!!!


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all4peace

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Re: The perfect nurse (except with her daughter)
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2019, 09:14:16 AM »
Writingthepain, what a painful reality you live/d through. It's one thing to see that one's parent doesn't have the tools for loving and nurturing parenting. And quite another to realize that they have the tools, just not for us. I'm so sorry for the physical and emotional pain you endured because you had a mother who could not focus on your needs.

I also grew up in a family in which uNBPDm did NOT nurture anyone except herself. She didn't even take care of my hair. I learned how to do my own at a young age, and then I was responsible for taking care of hers the rest of my days at home. We didn't get dental cleanings, doctors visits, or basic care for our wounds, sicknesses or pain. SHE could take to her bed for days at a time due to sickness, but not us. The messages that sends to us as young children, before we're able to sort out what is wrong with the situation, are just painful to consider.

I'm sorry for how this hurts you, then and now. :hug: