Breaking Up by Silent Treatment?

[ItsFridayCraig]

Has anyone else ever experienced a breakup by silent treatment?  My 4 year ex OCPD partner and I got in an argument a week ago. It truly wasn't even a bad argument just one where his behavior was disappointing.  We had a lake house booked 2 days after the argument.  But my partner never called never got in touch after I called 3 times to check what the deal was are we still going to the lake house?  It has now been an entire week since that initial argument and he still has not called me. We have had SUCH worse arguments before this was like nothing compared to those. I was emotional and after he never got in touch with me that day I drove to his house, unlocked the door with my copy of his key, left his things I borrowed for work along with the key copy.  I was emotional and thought "To hell with this, I'm not sitting around here waiting for when his silent treatment is over.  He can go ahead and take his stuff I'm not playing this game again."  That's how I felt in the moment.
Now it's a week later and I'm FREAKING OUT.  I'm not sleeping, I can't think of anything else, I can hardly do anything, I can barely have conversations with people.... I am beginning to wonder if he has decided to break up and just not tell me.  I have decided from this last experience I need to move on and no contact for 6 months.  So you're probably wondering then why does this even matter to me if he has called you or not?  Well, we just never talked about it?  There is no conversation?  We work closely together sometimes at work and god damn what does this mean for the job?  No conversation about what to tell people at work?  I absolutely hate this and I just want to feel better and get some sleep this is torturous.  Has anyone else been broken up in this way?  Do you think this is his way of breaking up with me?  He also still has my house key... but he won't get in touch with me!!!  It's infuriating.
Help

[Poison Ivy]

My ex-husband is a master of the silent treatment.  Being at the receiving end of the behavior is horrible.  Here's just one (the current) example:  We have two adult daughters.  One of them is undergoing a medical procedure this week, to determine the cause of a symptom.  One of the potential causes is cancer.  She told me and she confirmed to me that she told her father (my ex).  I contacted him a few times and asked him if we can talk about the situation.  He has not responded.  I have no idea what the silence means. I don't think of this situation as one in which I need to be in control:  I just want some empathy in this extremely anxiety-provoking situation. 

So, I get what you're going through and understand how awful it feels.

[mdana]

WOW!
Yes.

I was in a relationship (several years ago) - a wonderful one, I thought for over 1 year,  AND, I suspected OCPD also!!  He did a few things that really bothered me, so I had a conversation with him about it (we had known each other 20+ years) and he never called me back after that conversation.  It was so bizarre because we had been friends for practically a lifetime (at one time we worked in the same industry together too).

I waited a few months, primarily because I wanted to see what he would do. Nothing.  I finally called and he indicated that based on the feedback I gave him (which was honestly nothing horrifying -- I felt he lacked generosity and I ended up paying for most things, so I wanted to talk about that), he felt it meant we were "through".  I told him I thought it was silly that we could not lose a friendship over our differences which could be worked out if we could talk about it.  We hung up and he never called back again.  I thought this was so Bizarre! A deal breaker for him?  How can talking about any differences or having such benign conflict be a deal breaker??  His lack of generosity was not a deal breaker for me however, that he could not tolerate feedback (or criticism, if you want to call it that) was a deal breaker for me!!

I let the relationship go (and never called him back either), because he was not relational.  You can' t be in a meaningful relationship when someone runs away in the face of any disagreement or conflict. It's been 4 years and about 1 year ago, I received a shipment in the mail from him. It contained all the gifts I had given him over the course of many years (we were good friends - and we both enjoyed art).  That was another huge shock to me!  Bizarre to say the least.

I'm glad to read your story today because I had never heard of another one like this!

Maybe your partner is different?? Maybe he will call, or if you do, things will work out??

Thanks for sharing!!
M

[notrightinthehead]

Silent treatment is a punishment. You have angered your partner and are now being punished. It seems to work with you and affect you deeply :

"...Now it's a week later and I'm FREAKING OUT.  I'm not sleeping, I can't think of anything else, I can hardly do anything, I can barely have conversations with people....", your partner would be so pleased if he knew about that - and maybe he does. Maybe when he fears that the effects of his ST loose their effect on you, he does something similar to what happened to Mdana, and will send you your things and gifts back, just to open the wound again.

Or he could just start talking to you again and be quite normal. That is what my NPDh used to do. Just like that, no explanation given.

[Poison Ivy]

Here's a good article about ghosting:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much.

[mdana]

What a great article !!!


Thank you for sharing it..
M