After NC having nightmares about NPD mother

[magenta22]

Hello, after being NC for 4 years with my NPD mother and toxic FOO I still get dreams (nigthmares) where I by chance see my NPD mother again: on the street, on a shopping mall or when I visit a friend or a relative.
Usually in the dream I go to a place and Wham ! Suddenly she is there by chance and I do not know what to do after or how to act.
In the dream she just smiles at me as like nothing, like you would smile to a stranger in the street.  After encountering her I always  wake up feeling afraid and sad....

I know it may be my CPTSD acting up, courtesy of my "upbringing" by a Narcissitic nest of vipers.
I'm positive that I do not miss her at all, in fact I dread ever seeing her again, hence this dream.

Is anyone of you dealing with this sort of dream/nightmare ? What can I do to get rid of it? I feel really sad that still my subconcious is working against me by showing me this person that inspires fear and disgust in me.

[Moxie890]

*Following*

I can relate magenta. I have been NC with my mom for about a year now, and I still have fairly reguar nightmares. I wake up feeling scared and sad too. I also grind my teeth, especially when I am having nightmare/ experiencing anxiety, so I wake up with a wicked headache too 

I don't know how to make it stop either. I think I am going to try some bed time meditations or stories that can put my mind in a positive place before falling asleep. I can let you know if it works for me!

[TwentyTwenty]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

This is just a personal opinion on my dealings with similar dreams.

After going NC, I had weekly dreams with one or both of my narc parents. Most were uneventful, but just seeing them triggered anxiety and fight or flight, then waking to feeling as though I'd been through a very long, taxing fight.. needless to say, sleep was done for the night, even if I had just gone to be an hour beforehand.

I began over time to realize that even though I was in control on no contact, there was always a chance we just may run into one another, seeing we are just miles apart. I am convinced that in my case, I had never addressed with myself what my plan would be if we wound up bumping into each other one day.

I began writing out all of the things that I would have 'liked' to have said, the reasons for our separation, how I felt being abused and being called hateful names by them, explaining the sound reasons that I had for going nc after giving numerous chances for them to recant..

I wrote all this, verbalized it out as if to my nc parents, and made sure that every single point that I had made was in fact a solid, sound decision that I validated and stood behind. In my mind, I had made my case perfectly.

It was quite a while until my next dream that involved them, but it eventually happened. But instead of silence, or a smile from them with nothing else, I laid into them with my rehearsed tirade. In my dream, they had no answer and fled. That last dream was over 4 months ago, and hopefully the last.

I know that if we do ever cross paths, I will simply stay silent and retreat in the most direct way possible. They simply don't deserve another word from me at all, so this exercise was for my benefit, not theirs.

[MamaDryad]

I've had two different kinds of nightmares about my mother. When I was still trying to maintain VVLC, I'd have these dreams where I just let loose at her, unleashed every bit of the anger I've built up over a lifetime. Anger is really hard for me-- she was a rage monster when I was younger, and whenever I get angry I feel ashamed and guilty and almost hung over from it for a long time afterward-- so I would wake up from these dreams feeling horrible.

Now that we're NC, I have dreams that I run into her (sometimes with my grandmother, who's even worse) somewhere, and I just... slip back into my old role as if nothing had ever changed between us. Sometimes I bring my son along (whom she's met only twice), and sometimes he's not with me in the dream. It's so upsetting, and even in the dream, there's this inner voice screaming at me to get away.

I wish I knew how to make it stop. It seems to happen more when I'm feeling fear and stress in other areas of my life, so sometimes meditation and journal writing seem to help a little bit. Maybe you can take note of when you have the dreams and see if there are any patterns or correlations with anything else in your life?

[SerenityCat]

I used to have frequent upsetting nightmares about my uNPD/uPPD mother. We were NC for almost 25 years (mostly by her choice) before she died, but NC did not diminish the frequency of nightmares.

Some things that helped me: therapy, making my bedroom cozy and comforting, and developing the habit of calming myself if woken up by a nightmare.

Most of all, I've had good success with completing the story of each nightmare. I take charge of the narrative and imagine myself safe and successful.

Example:

I wake up anxious and scared. I've been dreaming that something scary has happened with my mother. I do some slow deep breathing and stretch out comfortably. I remain dozing and remind myself that I am okay. I then continue the story, I imagine myself coping with the nightmare story and winning. Maybe in the dream I tell an attacker to back off, and they do so. Maybe I wave a hand and they disappear.

I apply humor and creativity to calm myself. I take control back from my anxious sleep disturbed brain. By the time I get out of bed I feel much better.

[sarandro]

Hi, I have been NC now for over 3 months with nPDM...nightmares like you....really really intricate and detailed.
They made me feel wrong all day afterwards...(FOG!)
The other night I had a 'lucid' dream...
In the dream, I came downstairs to my living room to find ALL my family, I mean ALL, even distant cousins crammed into my small cottage.
My Dad (deceased) said 'I bet you're wondering why we are all here'....I ignored him.
They were eating buffet food and chattering, someone was sitting on the floor with a plate of baked beans!!!
I had stumbled over the person's legs and made them spill the beans (what a good metaphor dream me!)
My mother came rushing in and started shouting at me for being clumsy and spoiling the person's clothes and making a mess.
My dream self shouted back 'This is MY house, you do NOT shame me here, you do NOT come here again you are NOT WELCOME!!
I grabbed her by the shoulders and manhandled her out of the front door.
Then I went back inside and told everyone they had to leave and NEVER COME BACK!!!

I woke up feeling better than I have in a long time.
I don't often have lucid dreams, but this one really helped me realise I have control over my life.

I am hoping not to have any more nightmares, but give me a lucid dream any night

[newlife33]

Been there.  It sucks.

dreambible.com helped me.  I could look up images and symbols that appeared in my dreams and nightmares and help me figure out what they meant.  It was life changing.

[JustKat]

I was NC with my mother for about eight years before she died five years ago. I still have nightmares, but not about events that actually happened. The nightmares always take place in my childhood, and she's locking me a closet or engaging in some kind of abusive action that she didn't actually do, but probably represents trauma from something she DID do.

My nightmares tend to come and go. Sometimes I won't have any for months, then it will be so bad I wake up screaming. My psychiatrist gave me Ambien and said that it shuts off the brain's ability to dream, though I really don't like taking meds if I don't have to (plus there's no way to know what nights you're going to have nightmares).

I really don't know how to stop it, or what causes them. I have to think that something must be triggering them since there's no real pattern that I can see. When you have severe anxiety and/or PTSD, the smallest thing can be a trigger, so I doubt there's any way to know the answer without some kind of intensive therapy, and even that may not help.

I'm really sorry for anyone who's going through this. We go NC for our own emotional well being only to have them haunt our dreams after we've removed them from our lives.