Crazy ness

[Omygoodess]

After 3 years of craziness and getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, I packed up my stuff and left. I am no contact for 2 months and have been trying to have my lawyer discuss with my exASPD boyfriend how to sell the home. He has changed his mind so many times and told the lawyer that I left on my "own free will" and that I am welcome back. He is insisting that I pay half the mortgage despite being in full possession of the home. He refuses to deal with my lawyer and only wants mediation that is neutral. (No representation). The thought of seeing or speaking to him gives me severe anxiety. My heart races when I see an email from him. I had to have my sister read his emails for me. This is what prompted me to hire an attorney.
In August of 2018 I was supposed to meet him for dinner. I had an emergency at work (veterinarian) and couldn't make it for dinner on time. Once I finally got home, I realized that he was drunk. He wanted to see my phone and when I refused to hand it over, he was attacked me and wrestled to pry it away from me. I knew he was drunk and couldn't believe he attacked me. I was running for the front door trying to escape the house and was half way out of the front door he caught me and put me in a choke hold, slammed the door on my arm, and drug me back into the house. His 11 year old son heard my screams and saw me laying on the ground. The neighbors calling 911 and the police responded.  He initially took no accountability, but then told me what I needed to hear and said he would get counseling. He said he would get all of us counseling. Family counseling. I refused to tell the police the full story as I knew he would get arrested and didn't want his son to see him in handcuffs, not to mention I was in shock and embarrassed. He never got us counseling. He was great for one month and then started back on his testosterone injections (low testosterone), Vicanse (amphetamine) and incorporated back in alcohol. I was so disappointed that he started back the awful regimen. 

He has told me "I love you" and then broke up with me 1 hour later. Turns off the internet if the volume is too loud instead of asking me like a normal person to lower the volume. Telling me that I am passive aggressive and having the volume high on purpose. I fold his laundry to be nice and he tells me I did it wrong add that I am being passive aggressive for doing it wrong. He is a very promiscuous person by nature and would love to have sex with several people at one time. My morals are very different than his. I can't believe I bought two houses with this man. He has feelings of being isolated, trapped and sometimes wants to leave everything  and "walk the earth". Why would he want to leave his child? He was institutionalized 3 times when he was younger and has feelings of suicide. He had testicular cancer when he was 17 and at 45 still harbors depression over it. He is always feeling sorry for himself regarding this even though it was a long time ago.  The crisis is always his. I am always the target of his anger. He texted me one day and told me "fuc# you", "bitc%" because he was missing two Lexapro pills. I told him, I have no idea what he was talking about. Called me all sorts of horrible names. The emotional dysfunction is unfathomable. He used to tell me how much more time I put into my occupation as a veterinarian and that I love my job more than him and his son. This is ABSURD! I tried to tell him how much I loved him and put 100% into the relationship. One day when I was at work and he tripped over my air compressor at home in our garage. He picked it up and threw it across the garage and destroyed it. He texted me and told me what he did. He said I am always leaving it out, but would buy me a new one if I promised to put it away. When I got home from work and asked him why he would do that to me and he called me a "sociopath". He would never treat his 11 year old son this way. Why did the son get treated with so much more respect than I did?? The list goes on and on. I am a nice person.

I am at the point of filing for a TRO at the recommendation of my lawyer as he isn't respecting my need for "No Contact" and continues to email me, Last week he emailed me how sorry he was for everything  and wanted to get back together and that he would put his best foot forward. He said he could put money into the basement to finish it. I think this is "love bombing".  Would you agree? He has caused me so much mental and psychological abuse.
He also cheated in his marriage of 11 years and blamed it on his wife. I also found a letter from an ex girlfriend. She said she was horrified that he threw a humidifier at her and pushed her face twice. There definitely is a pattern of abuse.
Do these people ever really acknowledge the pain they cause? Has anyone ever gotten a TRO ? I am sorry for rambling. This is so bizarre. He was my best friend. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[sad_dog_mommy]

Welcome!

You will find a lot of support on this support website.  The name calling, spiteful behavior and projection remind me of my BPDexbf.   People with a personality disorder seem to have a secret handbook, all their 'moves' are eerily similar and seem to follow the same pattern.   When he says you don't love him enough?  He means HE doesn't love himself enough.   The first thing you know about this mental disorder is they have extremely low self esteem and look to others for validation (narcissistic supply).   This can also explain the cheating and in many cases bold face lying.  When you understand where their motivation comes from you are better able to protect yourself.   Just remember actions speak louder than their words. 

Read as many posts as you can on the various message boards.  You will find lots of members stories that resonate with you.  We are all in various stages of a relationship with a PD and I want you to know you are not alone. 

Writing in a journal is the best advice I ever got.   It is like free therapy.  It gets all the thoughts swirling around in your head down on paper.  It clears your mind for a bit and it can give you a record, in your own words of how you were feeling at the time.  Some of the PD crazy making can rub off on us in the form of abuse amnesia.

Be kind to yourself.  I promise you will be ok in the long run. 

((( hug )))

[Boat Babe]

How painful and crazymaking for you. So sorry you endured this. We completely understand.
You will help yourself by
1. Educating yourself about personality disorders . There's very useful info here that is balanced, informed and compassionate.
2. Talking about it. Therapy is very helpful if you can afford it. The forums on Out of the FOG have been an absolute blessing for me. When talking about this type of abuse in general though, folk who haven't experienced it may look at you quizzically at best, so don't let yourself be invalidated.
3. Start to focus on yourself. IMPORTANT!  Good health is the basis for everything else, so eat, sleep and exercise well.  Lay off the booze for a bit till you're stronger emotionally.

You will recover from this but you have to work on it.  Much love to you ❤️❤️❤️

[delmiss]

Read as many posts as you can on the various message boards.  You will find lots of members stories that resonate with you.  We are all in various stages of a relationship with a PD and I want you to know you are not alone.