Doggo-
I don’t want to hijack Consumed’s thread, so I’ll try to make this as short as possible.
Keep in mind everyone’s checklist will look a bit different depending on their situation. For me I have no threats of violence, I have one child left at home, and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 13+ years and I’ve been isolated by my unhealthy marriage and some serious health problems and some situational depression.
-Keep a journal recording all incidences, concerns, and issues.
-Make copies of account statements and get passwords for all accounts.
-Gather important paperwork like birth certs and passports etc and store in safe location/fireproof safe.
-Open credit cards and a bank account in my name only. Clean up credit if needed.
-Start socializing and build a support network. Start living a separate social life.
-Update resume, apply for jobs, contact references, etc. Or go back to school to get a cert or finish degree.
-Start decluttering home, separate valuables/ sentimental value. Rent storage for these items.
-Take care of all medical/ dental/ eye care needed. new glasses etc.
-Purchase Big ticket items like furniture.
-Pay off joint debt. No new purchases on credit.
-Purchase new(er) reliable vehicle or keep up maintenance on current vehicle.
- Start a savings fund (cash) = 4 months living expenses (more if possible)
-Meet with attorney to find out costs & info. Use a Free consult, attny will be retained at a later date.
-Purchase a less expensive home, condo or townhouse for the eventual separation.
-Continue counseling with my therapist and work on the “dimensions of wellness” and address the issues in myself that attracted me to a broken person in the first place (unmet childhood needs, trauma, & neglect, etc).
-Practice good self care, sleep hygiene, nutrition, and heal properly from health problems.
So as you can probably figure out my plan covers a few years, probably 2-3 at most. I realize not all of these checklist items will be applicable to everyone, so take what you need and leave the rest or add a few things to fit your own circumstance. I also don’t know how many of these things will be possible, like purchasing a second smaller home. I am in such a relationship that I can probably get this done, so it made my list. One of my biggest fears is living in poverty after divorce and being able to care for my child, so many things are finance related. Finance isn’t my biggest focus but one of my biggest worries. My therapist wants me to focus heavily on healing my childhood wounds and rebuilding my social circle and support network. She’s told me to keep working through this list and I’ll know once I’m in a better position, what I want to do about my marriage. Currently, I’m about a quarter way through the list, but some are ongoing things that I should continue do after the marriage ends.
I hope this helps give you an idea of where to start and how to compose your own list. I had my therapist’s help putting this together, so don’t be afraid to ask your T or a trusted friend to help!
