Munchausen by proxy

[Saywhat]

Hello there,

Yesterday I watched a mini docu series on Gypsy Rose Blanchard, a girl who's mother convinced her she was sick for her entire life when in fact she was perfectly healthy. 

This documentary brought up a lot of familiar feelings in me. Even though my case is not nearly as tragic and gruesome as what that mother did to her child (she put her on a wheel chair even though she could walk, convinced her that she had leukemia and epilepsy, and more), my mother did make me believe I was sick (or sicker than I actually was) repeatedly while I was young.

I'll explain. When I was in primary school, I was diagnosed with mild asthma. Even though I was other than that fine, my mom convinced the doctor to sign a paper that said I could no longer take PE classes in school.


Fast forward 10 years and she takes me to the doctor because she thinks my feet are flat. They were in fact, but everything else with me was fine. However, once again she convinced the doctor to sign a paper saying I couldn't do sports in my condition.


My entire life my mom tried to make me believe that I was physically weak and incapable of living a normal, healthy life. For instance, not long ago she bought me a travel trolley to replace my purse because my feet 'cannot handle carrying weight'  . I had to carry an inhaler with me into my teenage years, when in fact I hadn't had a (mild) episode of asthma in a million years.

Also, she made me believe I was too emotional and mentally unstable my entire life, when in fact I was simply having a very normal reaction to a very abnormal family life. She would say over and over again 'Sawhat has no common sense. Poor Saywhat, we need to guide her so she doesn't screw up her life!'. Ugggg!

I realize that I have carried this weak, sickish image of myself into my adult years, and it makes me angry.

Does anyone have similar experiences?

[Saywhat]

Aggg, writing about this brought back so many memories. Like the time she forbid that I rollerblade (even though she bought me the rollerblades!!) because 'it hurt too bad when I fell'. I wanted to rollerblade so bad!!

[11JB68]

Asthma here too, and I swear uPDm used it to keep me out of sports etc.
Dr had pics of his patients in their sports uniforms, but m told me I had to quit because of my asthma.

[Saywhat]

Asthma here too, and I swear uPDm used it to keep me out of sports etc.
Dr had pics of his patients in their sports uniforms, but m told me I had to quit because of my asthma.

Ugg it makes me so mad how they go out of their way to make us believe we were weak!

I think NPDm was threatened by my independence and needed to make me believe I was sick and weak. Thinking back, I realize how much she bullied me to get me 'back in line' whenever I showed healthy signs of independence.

For instance, when I was in my early 20's I was in a hugely co-dependent relationship with a man who was other than that a nice guy. My mom didn't like him (he took too much of my attention!) but other than that she liked the fact that he was holding me back so very much.  When I was 24, this man left me and, even though I was heartbroken in the beginning, soon enough I thrived. It felt so good to be alone after so many years. I took the opportunity to eat healthy again, reconnect with my friends, read and enjoy nature. NPDm was NOT having it though. She convinced me that my reaction to the break-up was totally abnormal, and that a normal, healthy human being would be broken... For months, she re-doubled her abuse and got very physically aggressive with me, all to get me 'back in line'. This prompted my first attempt at NC.

[KeepingMyBlue]

This took me back to another time I stood up for myself, so thank you!

She tried dragging me to doctor after doctor, as much as insurance allowed, until she got tired of them telling her to stop smoking. I started stepping outside whenever someone lit up, so I spent a lot of time on the porch. And started to get better. You can imagine the backlash... You're grounded... Stop opening that window...

But her Dutiful Mother act forced her to take constructive action for once  not that she actually quit, but she very loudly tried.

[SaltwareS]

Yes, the PD parents "thrive when I struggle, and struggle when I thrive" is how I condensed it. It took me so long to realize they just have control/attachment issues. So many therapists got it wrong.

I caught one parent in the act once who said "you've had a hard time in life" with a huge smile on his face and pointed it out to him "you were smiling as you said that."  I think that resonated.

The other parent said the same thing and it sounded like she was smiling (they parrot each other's intonations) "you've had some hard struggles" and I asked could you not derive joy from it please, which so offended her.

If we thrive, they unconsciously think a) we'll abandon them and/or b) they'll lose some control over us. Makes perfect sense to me.

[MargaritaBulgakov]

This is an interesting thread. I have two children and I keep noticing a tendency to overparent and be over protective on the playground by a certain percentage of the parents. I think they parents want to project a, "I'm just taking good care of my offspring" image, but it has always struck me as eerily controlling. I notice that the kids take less risks and seem and seem insecure. When my children try to play with these over protected kids, the kids act as if they aren't sure what to do. The parents will either try to dominate the play by deciding what and how the kids will play, or even make it clear to my kids that they aren't wanted, or the child will be so awkward and uncomfortable that my kids will give up.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Just today, I saw a little girl of about five trying to play at the playground while her dad followed her around with an umbrella (I guess he never heard of hats and sunscreen). Nobody played with her, probably because she was the weird kid whose dad was following her around with an umbrella. Also, she did not look like she had any skin problems, not that that might not still be the case, but still, I see this kind of stuff every single time I take my kids anywhere.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Saywhat, yes. I did have similar experiences. I was that overprotected kid who had to stay within Mommy's sight at all times up until my teenage years. Because I too had "no common sense." And would get myself kidnapped.  And yeah, it did make me have a horrible time socially, for my entire childhood and teenage years.

I was, however, permitted to take the babysitting course at age 12 and turn my earnings over to Mommy. And babysit my baby sister for free. So I was responsible enough to be in charge of other kids and I did take other people's kids to the park, with my parents' knowledge. But I was otherwise not allowed to be at the park near our house in a safe suburb without an adult. Other kids were even less trustworthy than I was. I wasn't allowed to play with any of the neighborhood kids because they would be a "bad influence." Even though we didn't know the neighbors.

I passed out a couple of times as a teen and uNM would not rest until I had a diagnosis of something rare and debilitating... which quickly became a very convenient excuse for her to keep me from doing even more things that were normal for my age. I do think there was something actually wrong, but it was Munchausened way out of proportion. I do feel guilty to this day for going along with it. The truth is having a "bad day" with my illness would buy me some time to myself, where I wasn't getting berated for breathing. I would fake symptoms sometimes, and I think if anyone had been paying attention they would have caught on. But I never was caught, at least not outright. If my symptoms were inconveniently timed for NM and NF, real or not, they forced me to school and sports and told me to suck it up. But if NM felt like playing nurse, she kept me home even if I protested I was ok that day. And all of my negative emotions, all of them, ever since I got that diagnosis, were blamed on my medications. I was a teenager, but any outburst of any kind led to a call to the doctor and a plea to change my (neuroactive) medication.

I was determined to go away to college, and when I did my symptoms miraculously stopped. I convinced the doctor I did not have this condition, and continuing to take the drugs was not a good idea, and NM found a new Munchausen victim in my youngest sibling. I believe now that any real symptoms I had were directly caused by the stress of living with my parents!

[Absent Minded Artist]

Yes, my bpd/hpd mom displays lots of traits of Factitious Disorder (Munchausen). I was on heavy doses of phenobarbital as a child after I had a mild febrile seizure, and mom saw the sympathy she could get from the situation. I had "epilepsy" though nobody else saw the seizures but her. I miraculously grew out of it.

[Saywhat]

Saywhat, yes. I did have similar experiences. I was that overprotected kid who had to stay within Mommy's sight at all times up until my teenage years. Because I too had "no common sense." And would get myself kidnapped.  And yeah, it did make me have a horrible time socially, for my entire childhood and teenage years.

I was, however, permitted to take the babysitting course at age 12 and turn my earnings over to Mommy. And babysit my baby sister for free. So I was responsible enough to be in charge of other kids and I did take other people's kids to the park, with my parents' knowledge. But I was otherwise not allowed to be at the park near our house in a safe suburb without an adult. Other kids were even less trustworthy than I was. I wasn't allowed to play with any of the neighborhood kids because they would be a "bad influence." Even though we didn't know the neighbors.

I passed out a couple of times as a teen and uNM would not rest until I had a diagnosis of something rare and debilitating... which quickly became a very convenient excuse for her to keep me from doing even more things that were normal for my age. I do think there was something actually wrong, but it was Munchausened way out of proportion. I do feel guilty to this day for going along with it. The truth is having a "bad day" with my illness would buy me some time to myself, where I wasn't getting berated for breathing. I would fake symptoms sometimes, and I think if anyone had been paying attention they would have caught on. But I never was caught, at least not outright. If my symptoms were inconveniently timed for NM and NF, real or not, they forced me to school and sports and told me to suck it up. But if NM felt like playing nurse, she kept me home even if I protested I was ok that day. And all of my negative emotions, all of them, ever since I got that diagnosis, were blamed on my medications. I was a teenager, but any outburst of any kind led to a call to the doctor and a plea to change my (neuroactive) medication.

I was determined to go away to college, and when I did my symptoms miraculously stopped. I convinced the doctor I did not have this condition, and continuing to take the drugs was not a good idea, and NM found a new Munchausen victim in my youngest sibling. I believe now that any real symptoms I had were directly caused by the stress of living with my parents!

I'm so sorry you went trough these experiences. That sounds horrible... :sadno:I believe you did what you could to survive in your family, and playing into it must have bought you precious time that you needed to survive. I would have done that too if I would have had the chance.

[Saywhat]

Yes, my bpd/hpd mom displays lots of traits of Factitious Disorder (Munchausen). I was on heavy doses of phenobarbital as a child after I had a mild febrile seizure, and mom saw the sympathy she could get from the situation. I had "epilepsy" though nobody else saw the seizures but her. I miraculously grew out of it.

Oh no, I am so sorry  It cant wrap my head around mom's who medicate their kids for no reason,,, so sorry.