Fight or flight - I chose flight.

[Just Jay]

My backstory is that I haven't spoken to my PDm in 7 years. During the 7 years, she also alienated most of her friends and family. That side of the family is large, so it was no small feat for her.

A few weeks ago, I went to a family event. She hasn't been going to events for a few years, and she is also very physically ill. About a half hour in, I felt an odd presence. I turned around, and she was standing about 15 feet from me, by the entrance.  I went numb.

I turned back to the group I had been talking to. I wasn't hearing their words anymore or feeling anything at all. For a brief moment, I thought about going with the flow to be able to visit with the others. Then I went into flight mode. Some part of my brain that doesn't use words took over, and noped out of the situation.

I hadn't noticed where my son had gone to before, but instinct led me right to him - two rooms away. There must be mother radar that kicks in! I was quite calm when I said something like, "Let's go, there's going to be drama." There must have been something in my voice, because he didn't question it, and he's a kid who has to know reasons for everything.

We had to go back inside to find DH. A few of my relatives had followed me and apologized. I gave them all hugs and told them that I love them, but I had to go.

At that point, I was starting to feel antsy because I didn't know how to get to DH, and didn't want to leave him. This is literally less than a minute after I saw her - it happened that fast. Then he came around the corner, and I could tell on his face he knew exactly what was going on. His face also showed the same decision that I made - let's get out of here! Not afraid, not worked up  - only a rational, calm decision to avoid the mess. He looked to me like Superman coming around that corner.

We went back to the hotel, watched a movie, and ordered in. It was a good time, even though we were disappointed to not see the family as much as we had wanted.

This whole event has made me feel liberated in a way that I haven't before. There have been many times during the last 7 years when I questioned the decision to be NC. Now this happened, and the instinctual part of me kicked in and made the choice. It's given me a certainty and peace about this path.

The sadness that will always remain is twofold. First, I wish my PDm would seek help for her sake. Her quality of life has been so poor, and it didn't have to be. Second, I mourn not spending time with my relatives, but feel more acceptance of that now. Even though they can't be replaced, there are other wonderful people to journey with.

Thank you for reading my story. Im not asking any questions, but if someone wants to share a similar experience, I'd love to read it.

[TwentyTwenty]

What an inspirational story!! I'm sorry that the event didn't go as well as you planned, but I'm super happy you have validated your choice during the experiance and got the support from your family that you need!!   

[appaloosa]

So great that you have family support! That's priceless, even though you didn't get to spend enough time with them...

[Kiki81]

Thank you for sharing your strength and success here with us.  YOU ROCK 

[caramelia]

Good for you for doing what was right for your own mental health!

[Call Me Cordelia]

I love this so much. Thank you for sharing! You're so very blessed! Take good care of yourself and NC on!

[Just Jay]

Thank you all so much for reading my post and being supportive. Throughout this 7 year journey of NC, the board has been a life raft. The first few years, I was a horrible mess crying a lot. Even when a person choses to leave their mom, because of PD, it's still losing a mom.

It really can get better, and people you meet will love you so much if you give them a chance. The whole time we were in the hotel, missing out on the event, I was thinking about getting home to the people who know us as we've lived in our new city, but don't know the past. The friends we've made here would have helped us, hugged us, and given shirts on their back if it helped.