Npd parent

Whitesheep45 · June 29, 2019, 02:37:02 PM

Hi I've long thought my f sits in a narc framework. I understand this on a surface level but would like to read more on it to understand how people operate in their relationships, do the feel anything for anyone..? Also around having a npd parent what it's like for the adult children . Research papers are. An interest too..

All. Help appreciated

Penny Lane · June 30, 2019, 09:16:12 AM

A couple books I found really interesting were:
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (This is obviously not geared toward narcissistic dads but it might help you too).

Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Whitesheep45 · June 30, 2019, 01:58:28 PM

Thank you penny Lane.. Thing is I don't know if he is npd... He doesn't show all the traits (I don't think)... He is highly selfish and lacks empathy ++sometimes I think he may be on the spectrum or just the way he is but not fit a box... Not sure
All I know is his father skills are so minimal...

Whiteheron · June 30, 2019, 06:30:28 PM

I second the 'will I ever be good enough' book Penny recommends - at the time I was trying to figure out my FOO, but stbx fit the description/behaviors much better than my mom. A book that really helped open my eyes was "Invisible Chains" by Lisa Fontes. I was able to see the patterns in stbx's FOO and in stbx himself.

11JB68 · June 30, 2019, 09:44:35 PM

Invisible Chains is a wonderful book!

blacksheep7 · July 04, 2019, 10:04:23 AM

The first book I read which finally answered many of my questions regarding my Pd Parents.
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

I also read 'Will I ever be good enough'

Psuedonym · July 04, 2019, 11:59:25 AM

I'll thrown in some Youtube resources that have helped me a lot: Richard Grannon - this is a great video to start with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcWvJmWIlo0, Les Carter: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIELB1mz8wMKIhB6DCmTBlw/videos and Abdul Saad: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_P8aFACl-VqJl0flQPGMQQ/videos

If you really like clinical stuff you might want to start with Abdul. Hope that helps!

Wilderhearts · July 05, 2019, 03:49:04 PM

The Narcissistic Family is a book for clinicians that I have on order and was recommended by others on this site. Still great if you're not a clinician and more evidence-based than some other books - it may appeal to you since you're interested in research articles.

I also recommend Jerry Wise's youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZWHfOsTVegeEFEXV56llWA
He uses the same framework as Brene Brown for relationship systems, if that means anything to you.

He focuses a lot on Narcissistic families, and the issues we have as adults after being raised by narcissists (strongly recommend video "6 Core Issues of Adult Children of Narcissists" - it opened my eyes.)

I also read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" decades ago, and it's what opened my mother's eyes and my eyes to the reality that my father had a PD, and used explosive abuse and rage to control us. Note, this book is about BPD rather than NPD, but both being Cluster B disorders they have a lot of traits in common. The e-book pdf is available here: https://epdf.pub/stop-walking-on-eggshells-taking-your-life-back-when-someone-you-care-about-has-.html

And welcome to Out of the FOG

I've found so much support here, and I hope you do too.

sunshine702 · July 16, 2019, 07:05:37 PM

Triangulation. I get gossiped to about how awful my Scapegoat brother is and also about how Wonderful my Golden Child Brother and his Narc supply Grandchild H is.

No matter how well anyone is doing or not doing this is the paradigm . I will never forget my Narc mom bragging to me about the beautiful house GC was RENTING right while I was BUYING a house. It will never be good enough.

Sadly the cycle continues. The Grand children are now being triangulated. H is still wonderful and she calles baby L "challenged" a lot. I luckily don't have kids and am Very Low Contact with them.

Look for who's in and out and you will spot a narc and supply.

Whitesheep45 · August 12, 2019, 03:04:46 PM

Thank you everyone some really good sources here... I appreciate it..
Feeling really angry and fed up today. Wish I could cry but I can't because anti dep block me.
It's not all bad though I feel my ic is walking around having a tantrum and that is OK. She wants to be loved...
And me adult me I hate that I keep going back to that groove of being such a good parent to my parent... I'm lc and speak rarely but yep I've just stumbled on the last phone call when.... Guess what it was all about f...
I just do not know how to communicate with him... He isn't interested in me... Doesn't comment /answer.
If I don't comment answer he says 'are u there in a slightly impatient voice... Oh he says u didn't say anything...
So the only way to have connection with him is to be attentive... Then I come off the phone and feel so annoyed with myself that I slipped...
I'm wondering why I don't let go of him... Why I still feel love for this man...

I don't want to be in this role anymore and am helpless...
I'm going to an acoa meeting tomor