Pleased with my progress

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GentleSoul

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Pleased with my progress
« on: June 30, 2019, 03:48:35 AM »
A little update on my ongoing recovery from co-dependency. 

I am very pleased, I have reached a place I never thought I would get to.  The physical reaction in my body to uPD husbands manipulations, baiting etc no longer happens.  I used to get a burst of fight or flight chemicals in me.  I would freeze, like a rabbit in headlights.  I felt COMPELLED to act on whatever he was trying to get me to do.

With practise, this has gone.  Gone!  I am amazed, I thought I would have this for life.

It has gradually faded and faded until I realised one day that it had stopped.

Now, I hear him and am aware of what he is after but I do NOTHING!!  NOTHING!  I usually then leave the room.

It felt like in the past that if I didn't act on his demands, at the very least the world would explode.  But it didn't. 

This comes from years of training by uPD mother.  She had same effect on me. 

I also notice I am doing and enjoying things for myself within our home so much more now.  Things I would have avoided in the past as I dreaded uPD husband passing comment about them.  Wanting me to explain why I am doing it.  I don't care now.  It is none of his business.  I Medium Chill it all.  I don't JADE.

uPD husband is very ill now, I want this time with him to be peaceful.  I think by using the techniques and reading on this site, this can happen. 

I no longer feel any guilt over him, I never should have but again it was my training.  HIs heart failure has been caused by his poor lifestyle choices.  Help was offered many times for his alcoholism but he chose not to take it. 

I used to be an active alcoholic, I quit 9 years ago and I am reaping the benefits of my hard work.  He chose to continue so is suffering the consequences.

Many thanks for reading.  It feels very liberating to write this out.


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11JB68

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2019, 12:55:55 AM »
 :thewave:
So glad to hear of your healing and recovery!

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2019, 03:43:10 AM »
:thewave:
So glad to hear of your healing and recovery!

Many thanks.  :)

I see my journey as being about ME not the various PD's I have either had or have in my life.  Working on ME.  A big shift of focus for me.  It used to be all about catering to them! 

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delmiss

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2019, 05:07:11 PM »
uPD husband is very ill now, I want this time with him to be peaceful.  I think by using the techniques and reading on this site, this can happen. 

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2019, 07:19:20 AM »
Hello Delmiss, thanks for dropping by.

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2019, 07:26:50 AM »
uPD husband gone down hill a lot more with his heart failure.  Is sleeping most of the time now.  Only eating small amount.  I sit with him quietly when he is awake.  His medical team visit.  I don't feel I am carrying any weight of his illness even though I am his carer.

I am very much building a fuller life for myself. It feels like this is a sort of overlap time.  I am living in the present yet building for my future.

Been having thorough clutter clearing sessions in my home.  Gosh, I love doing that.  So much junk has gone.  Space is here.  Clear, clean space.

Also swappped to eco cleaning products.  Non-chemical.   This feels important to me.  I want a fresh, clean home free from chemicals.

Is happening in layers.  I have a big clear and think is all done, then a few weeks later as I grow as a person, I see things I want gone from my home.  Things of my past, the old me. 

I have a lovely big pile of things to drop down to the charity shop tomorrow. 

Thanks for reading.   

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MoutainGal

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2019, 11:28:05 AM »
Wonderful to hear about your new peace, Gentle Soul! What tools/supports have you used to work on your codependency?

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treesgrowslowly

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2019, 11:55:00 AM »
Hi gentlesoul,

I felt happy reading your posts. You did the work and now you feel free.

It is so nice to read what you shared about how you feel free, and the clutter too. Sounds like you are coming home to yourself. I am inspired.

Trees

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2019, 01:59:54 PM »
Hi gentlesoul,

I felt happy reading your posts. You did the work and now you feel free.

It is so nice to read what you shared about how you feel free, and the clutter too. Sounds like you are coming home to yourself. I am inspired.

Trees

Thank you, Trees. I appreciate your support.   It is very possible to heal and repair from dysfunctional behaviours and move forward into healthy behaviours, as I am discovering.

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2019, 02:06:46 PM »
Wonderful to hear about your new peace, Gentle Soul! What tools/supports have you used to work on your codependency?

Hello Mountain Gal

Thanks for asking.  It has been a combination of tools I use.  I think the first thing I did many many years ago was read and totally relate to Co-dependency No More by Melody Beatty.  I swear she followed me around and watched me then wrote this book about me!  ;)

Coming from a background of alcoholics, I found Adult Children of Alcoholics an amazing help.  I attended meetings and worked the program, alongside the Al-anon program. 

I use the toolbox on here - Medium Chill especially.  I have a recovery buddy I have worked with for many years.  We support each other.  I believe we cannot recover on our own.  We need each other.

I use and love the 12 Steps of Recovery.     This is basically a handbook anyone can use on how to build a healthy and satisfying life.   Identify the unhealthy parts and change them. 

It has been consistent work but worth every moment of it.

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losingmyself

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2019, 12:41:23 PM »
Gentlesoul, I just wanted you to know how happy I am for you. I can picture the de-cluttering, and determination to make your life exactly how you want it to be! God bless you and keep you happy!

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GentleSoul

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Re: Pleased with my progress
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2019, 01:33:27 PM »
Gentlesoul, I just wanted you to know how happy I am for you. I can picture the de-cluttering, and determination to make your life exactly how you want it to be! God bless you and keep you happy!

Thank you so much, Losing Myself, that is very nice of you.  I have been doing some more work today on deciding how I would like my life to be so I can work towards it. 

I found it easy to know what I do not want, harder to know what I do want.

God bless you too.