Hello,
Today I've been thinking about how my friend controls, or tries to control, when we see each other and when we talk. She no longer works, doesn't have a family, doesn't have a pet, doesn't even have a houseplant, nor does she belong to any clubs, yet she still manages to not be available! For example, she likes to chat in the late afternoon. I have told her that I prefer to talk earlier, because my energy flags in the late afternoon, and because I do have pets to feed and have dinner preparations. She is an early riser, as am I, so she has all morning and much of the afternoon in which to talk to me, but she won't compromise.
Yesterday, I phoned her in the very early afternoon, because I wanted to tell her something which had happened. Her phone went to voicemail after a number of rings. I left a message, telling her I'd just wanted to chat, that it wasn't necessary to call back. So I don't "blame" her for not returning the call, although I think a caring person would have. But I'm sure she also didn't call back because I was calling before the late afternoon...
Here, I first wrote about some other examples, but I'm sure you already get the gist. As another friend said to me yesterday, "You have to abide by HER rules. If you don't, she doesn't care enough about the friendship to change the rules."
I am sure that control is a PD characteristic. I would guess that because these people often don't feel in control of themselves that they try to establish some sense of security and order by controlling others. But this is not working for me. As well as there being no compromise, there is no spontaneity. The friendship feels really flat, really existing by rote.
As usual in dealing with a PD, the best answer is to avoid them. But, also as usual, if anyone would like to share similar stories and/or offer advice, I would love to hear it!