Are you angry and how do you cope?

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bostonbound

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Re: Are you angry and how do you cope?
« Reply #20 on: July 15, 2019, 10:06:05 AM »
It seems like my tolerance through the years has gotten worse. He can do one small thing but it just is something that is built upon everything thatís happened in the past. I also get so frustrated that I canít talk to him. Our realities are so different.   So I give up because what else is there to do. Thereís no talking or Rationalizing. Iím always the one thatís at fault. When he got his diagnosis and he told me what it was - years ago-I researched the symptoms and broke into tears because I finally realized it wasnít all me. Every time I read people stories I feel like I couldíve written a lot of what they say because our stories are so similar.

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Wilderhearts

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Re: Are you angry and how do you cope?
« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2019, 01:59:49 AM »
I think woman interrupted said it - even if she's upset by your actions (which weren't wrong in and of themselves), her response is by far the worse offence.  Also, love the depiction of how boundaries worked there - no, her behaviours didn't stop but medium chill cost you little, allowed you to stick to your boundaries, and didn't put fuel on the fire.

Sidney, I get just feeling sad over situations (and lifetimes) that made you intensely angry.  I had a weird subconscious habit of converting anger to sadness, cause that was safer.  When I have a reason to be angry, and let myself feel angry, I can also cycle through anger-shame-disappointment-confusion-selfloathing and general devastation.  It's because I haven't unlearned all the conditioning that living with my uNPDf taught me: I'm always wrong for being angry (including just being "wrong" as a person), I'm a bad person for being angry because it must make me abusive like him, I'm awful, unfair and selfish for asking anyone to take responsibility for actions that were hurtful to me (because if I'm hurt it's my fault), and on and on.  It's so draining.  Just being sad can feel like a relief.