[LindaLoo]

We had to put our sweet girl down this morning. She was 15 and had congestive heart failure. Yesterday she could not walk, she was suffering. We are heartbroken but we know we did the right thing 

I told my mother a couple months ago about our Lucy. She never once after that asked me about our girl. I feel my mother is heartless unless it's about herself. The deep hurt inside me will never go away, ever!! The damage she has done to my self-esteem, to my value, well........I could have been a different person if she had cared. I would not be going through all this never good enough mindset.

[GentleSoul]

I am so sorry to read of your loss.  You did the brave and right thing for Lucy.  You showed your love by not letting her suffer.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

I had a Lucy too.  A lurcher, she was elderly and had a brain tumour, I had to make the same decision as you.  Heart breaking but the right thing to do. 

[LindaLoo]

so sorry for your loss GentleSoul We both had a Lucy

[GentleSoul]

so sorry for your loss GentleSoul We both had a Lucy

Thank you, Linda Loo.  Sending a big hug to you. 

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm sorry for your loss, LindaLoo. Losing a fur baby is so hard.

Years ago, I was nursing one of my cats through a long illness. My mother and I had the following conversation:
Mom: How's they kitty?
Me: About the same. He threw up twice already today.
Mom: Well, you know, you don't have to keep doing this. There are other cats in the world.
Me: .......

Not long ago, my brother's cat was sick for a few days, and she said the exact same thing to him!

And it's not like she doesn't understand being attached to pets, either. She was absolutely bereft when her cat went missing a few years ago.

[Jellyfish]

I am so sorry for your loss LindaLoo. Having to make the decision to put down a furbaby is so difficult. Last month I had to put down my little dog, she would have been 15 this month. We had to lie to our family’s and tell them she died naturally so that my unNPDm didn’t tell us we didn’t try hard enough to save her.  I know I did the right thing  for Sadie even if she will never see that and I know that what you did for your Lucy was enough. No amount of surgery or medication can turn them into a puppy again. You did what was best for your girl. 

[TriedTooHard]

So sorry.

[LindaLoo]

Cat Of The Canals, Thank You!  Oh how awful of your mother to say that!! How unkind!  It is something my mother would say, if she said anything. She never ever asks about my pets, my children, nothing! If you go to her house she will talk about her dog, the stray cat who's been there, just anything that involves her. Just like your mom and her missing cat,  her issue so it's important.  Never in a million years will I understand them!

jellyfish, Thank you! I am so sorry for the loss of your little dog   It's one of the toughest decisions to make. I'm seeing her presence all over our home, the favorite spot on the sofa she loved, all the little memories. I'm sure you know the same feeling of their presence even tho they are gone. That is so sad for you that you could not talk openly to your mom. We need our moms at times like this. I can't even wrap my brain around our mothers behaviors

TriedTooHard, Thank you so much!

 

[athene1399]

I am so sorry for your loss.  That is a terrible thing to go through.

[LindaLoo]

Thank you athene1399!   

[appaloosa]

Sorry for the loss of your little Lucy. It's always so hard.

[LindaLoo]

Thank you appaloosa!   

[WomanInterrupted]

I'm so sorry, Looloo.   

I stopped telling unBPD Didi or unNPD Ray anything about our pets - especially if they were ill or getting near the time to make that visit to the vet, because I knew I was going to be treated with utter indifference, and like I should just get over it and focus on more important things - like Didi and Ray.   

I figured if they couldn't even feign emotion  or *interest*, why say anything?   

When you're better off talking to a wall than your own "mother" - that's not a relationship.   

It also helped me when it came to *their* eldercare - and say NO to all of it, because they wouldn't *care* about how much they inconvenienced me, hurt me, drained us financially, and that we couldn't continually live in Fire Drill Mode  - they'd just continue to want more and more and more, until there was nothing left to give, and STILL demand more!   

I think the reaction to pet death is a *big* tell on how you'll be treated in the future, if you choose to accept any sort of caregiving duties:  shut up, just do it, and *your parents are the only ones allowed to have feelings and opinions* - not YOU!

Use this information wisely and *please* stay out of the line of fire, when it comes to your mom.      

All she'll do is try to hammer it into you even further that you aren't good enough - when you are MORE than good enough - and I'll one better that:  she may never say it, but you ARE a GOOD DAUGHTER!   

 

[LindaLoo]

Womaninterupted. Thank You!  I so appreciate you saying I am a good daughter She has smeared my name in her community saying I do nothing for her.  I'm so sorry you had to go through the same things. Good for you standing strong, saying no,  and keeping boundaries. They sound just like my mother.

The day I told her about my dog she kinda grunted and went on to the topic of her stray cat.  I had not visited her in months. I wish I had never gone back.  Like you, I normally don't tell her anything.  I always hang on to hope she will be the mother I always wanted. I went a whole year and never visited until my brothers death. I had to see her then.

She told him after he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer "well at least you know what's wrong with you"  this meaning she was still running from doctor to doctor searching for whats wrong with her No doctor was ever right, so she's still looking..



  I recently told her I can't drive her to her next appointment! She never replied and I have heard nothing in a month. It's peaceful!  I have told my siblings that she can never live with me. She made GC brother her POA so goody he gets all the stuff!

This forum gives me hope. All of you are what I've been searching for. I needed to hear I am not bad, and good enough

Blessings

[caramelia]

I'm sorry about your little dog. Putting them down can be the hardest but most loving decision.

Also sorry about your mother. You know we all understand.

[LindaLoo]

caramelia, Thank you! It is a tough decision. I miss her here with me. We always wish we had more time

I sure do know everyone here understands about BPD mothers. If I did not have this forum and all of you wonderful people, I'd be lost. It's such a learning and healing place. 

[Poison Ivy]

The good news is that my ex-husband, who probably has dependent personality disorder (along with other issues), has never said to me, as his father has said to our family, that we should shoot an ailing dog.  The bad news is that my ex seems to have used up all his empathy and compassion on our first dog.

Second family dog:  He didn't believe me when I said she was going to die soon. She died one week later. Third dog, mostly mine:  I purposely didn't tell him when she was diagnosed with cancer, which I decided to not have treated because of her age, the cost of the treatment, and the likelihood it would not help her. When he found out, he said something like, "Well, she's old and she has to die sometime." Fourth dog, all mine:  When I mentioned that the dog was diagnosed with cancer two days after I adopted him, my ex probably said, "sorry to hear that." Given his previous reactions, I was satisfied with that.

[LindaLoo]

Poison Ivy, I am sorry for the loss of you dogs :