I turned into him.

Started by CoffeeCup2, July 18, 2019, 07:46:23 PM

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CoffeeCup2

I had a very scary realization today.

I have been nothing but an angry, miserable witch as of late. I have been full of rage and hatred. I've been irritated. I have forgotten how amazing my life is right now.

There was an incident today where I realized that basic human kindness, regardless of how someone else acts, is important.

There is a fine line between someone who is like uNPDx, and someone who may be battling or struggling with their own issues. I deal with people on a daily basis that are struggling hard. I can't explain it, but I'm hypersensitive to knowing when someone deserves my kindness and when someone is using me.

Anyways, I realized today how horrible I've been acting towards people. I am sorry. I was wrong. I need to be better. I need to move forward.

1footouttadefog

I went through an angry phase.  I did not like feeling that way.  I had to be vigilant about how I treated others.  It realized at some point that it was the anger phase of grieving.

I knew then that acceptance and healing were close at hand.


CoffeeCup2

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on July 19, 2019, 07:02:24 AM
I went through an angry phase.  I did not like feeling that way.  I had to be vigilant about how I treated others.  It realized at some point that it was the anger phase of grieving.

I knew then that acceptance and healing were close at hand.

It is very reassuring to hear this. I feel as though I can now better pinpoint my healing phases.

The first one was overwhelming joy and happiness, then a period of sadness, then the anger started to blend in (this has been for about six months now). I feel as though I had a major turning point yesterday.

We will see what comes next :)

Spygirl

To actually realize you were doing that, is HUGE.

Be gentle with yourself. This a difficult, life altering process we are all going thru.  I have been pretty ashamed of the fleas i had picked up during my marriage, just how toxic i had become. I have been shedding that toxicity like fur. I am becoming my true self again, but much more aware, much better i hope. I believe you are doing the same.

We will all get there.

Phoenix Rising

NPD people do not think about other people's feelings. The whole picking up fleas from NPD partners/parents/etc is really spot on. They are fleas and they can go away. It really sounds like you've made an incredible stride by recognizing the anger and thinking about how it impacts those around you. It is all part of the healing process after PD abuse.
And here you are living despite it all..

Know this: the person who did this to you is broken. Not you... I will not watch you collapse