Handling PD person and rumours about your mental health

[me01t]

Has anyone had experience of a potentially pd person gossiping that you are mentally ill and everyone around you believing it? If so how did you handle it and remain safe?

[Call Me Cordelia]

That was/is definitely part of Nparents' smear campaign after I went NC with them. As to who believed it... I really don't know. At least one person didn't and reached out to me, and that person was a very helpful support in those early days. That relationship has naturally waned, but if I chose to reach out in the future I could. Almost everyone else that I had in common with my parents, siblings included, dropped me like a sack of bricks.

I don't know how much the "mentally ill" claim factored into how it all went down. I do know it's a common projection from pwPD. The truth is none of those people ever had my back with my parents. They saw the extreme expectations my parents had for me, the unrelenting criticism, the infantilization/not allowing me to act my age. They saw and did nothing. They didn't care, not really. So I didn't try to salvage those "relationships" either.

I don't know how applicable my experience is to you. For me these were relationships that really had nothing to do with my life now. These were people I knew as a kid and would say hello when I ran into them while visiting my parents pretty much. Not people I considered MY friends, co-workers, whose opinion and attitudes affected my life. The biggest change is I stopped visiting "home" and stopped sending them Christmas cards (that was weird anyway).

If your day-to-day relationships are being impacted, that is much much harder. Since you mention everyone around you believing it, it sounds like that is your situation and I'm really really sorry you are dealing with that! But I think it applies in that people who believe the PD's smear campaign uncritically are showing you who they are. They're showing you that they cannot be trusted, that they don't have your back or care about your perspective or experience. This is valuable information in getting and staying safe, albeit very painful information.

[Gaining Clarity]

My NFOO have said this same thing about me to others as well. It is painful and frustrating. I feel for you, Me01t.

CallMeCordelia offers a good perspective and reminded me of a Maya Angelou quote that I often refer back to in situations like yours: "When people show you who they are, believe them." I've learned over years and through many struggles that, for me, the best course is to say nothing at all. If you try to JADE, it will only further inflame the smearers and reinforce to others that you are what the smearers have said about you.

My NFOO smeared me in a similar way to many extended relatives and friends. I finally learned that the only opinion that truly matters is my own. To quote another wise man, Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Focus on your own well being and the people who stand by you regardless of what they hear. In the end, some will see the light and realize they've been duped and those who continue to believe the smears aren't worthy of your time or presence.

[SerenityCat]

me01t I am so sorry that you are being bullied like this.

I think the Toolbox on this site here has some great ideas, including on What not to do - https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do

Trying to explain things to the abusive people likely won't work: https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

No one should be bullied about their real or rumored mental health status. There is nothing wrong with having mental health challenges.

If this is a workplace with a human resources reporting system, you may be able to use that.

Do what you can to stay clear of the gossip. Focus firmly on yourself and your own well being.