Can both parents be PD?

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Riggo199

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Re: Can both parents be PD?
« Reply #20 on: July 07, 2019, 01:24:44 AM »
Thanks, Whole Hearted.  I appreciate your response.  You are absolutely correct, and I feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner:  "unhealthy people don't marry healthy people".   I must go NC with him and his wife.  They are BOTH just toxic.....as is my Mother.  ICK! Gawd....why did it take me sooo long to see this.  Why did I just let them abuse me for soo many years.......b/c I just wanted to be loved.  UGH.  So glad I am breaking that cycle!!

  Thanks, again!! 

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: Can both parents be PD?
« Reply #21 on: July 07, 2019, 02:34:32 AM »
Please don't beat yourself up!  I was in my late 40's when I started realizing there really WAS something wrong with both Didi and Ray - and started putting order to chaos.   8-)

I'm in my mid 50's now, and it's the best decision I ever made.   :sunny:

If you want to go NC, I think that's a wise decision.  Anything you *want* that brings *betterment* to your life is a wise decision.   :yes:

Please keep in mind your father and his wife don't live on an ice floe.  They have *phones* that can call other numbers than yours.  Anything they need, they can call and get it - even a bank loan.   :yes:

They can use their phones for a number of services:  having groceries delivered, having their scripts delivered, ordering necessary items from just about any online retailer, calling for medical help, calling for medical transport, calling for transport, period - and they can even use their phones to do their banking.  There is NO need for you to be involved - if they need help, they can call and hire Merry Maids, Meals on Wheels or home health care aides.

They just won't *want* to because often, they get it in their heads that WE are going to be their Old Age Golden Parachute Plan, like it or not!   :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh:

I chose NOT - and made it happen by becoming the Mythical Adult Daughter, seen about as often as a leprechaun riding a unicorn.  I also refused to become involved in their care - that's why they have insurance and doctors.   :ninja:

If you do go NC, *please* still work on yourself and setting boundaries, and the place I'd start is the book "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. (Available on many formats at Amazon.)

It'll give you a good overview of all those things we *should* have been taught - but weren't.  :P

You'll need good boundaries if anybody does an end-around on your NC and tries to get you involved with your dad and his wife's care or finances - you'll be able to say, "I can't do that..." with confidence.  :)

And it will also give you a leg to stand on when it comes to your mom.  (I'm sorry you're another "jackpot" winner.  I was *surrounded!* by PDs!  The 'rents, the grand'rents, and my inlaws ALL have/had PDs!)   :roll:

Thankfully, most of them are dead, and Ray is where he belongs (my inner child calls it Monster Jail :evil2:), but we've been NC with unNPD MIL since the 90's - and know she's out there, just waiting to try to land on us.

Yeah...she's going to be in for a hell of a surprise.  DH has also done the work on himself, and we *both* have the ability to tell her, "That just doesn't work for us.  You're smart - I'm sure you'll figure out something..." - and BLOCK!   :ninja:

I strongly suggest you get the book and give yourself that boost you're going to need - many times, guilt creeps in and we start thinking, "What if it's not that bad?  What if it's just ME?"   :stars:

The book - and the toolbox here - will help you see that no, it's NOT YOU - and boundaries are a normal, *healthy* part of our everyday lives.  :)

 :hug:

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Riggo199

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Re: Can both parents be PD?
« Reply #22 on: July 19, 2019, 11:51:57 PM »
Thank you!  I will get the book.  I appreciate it.