Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain

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bohemian butterfly

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Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain
« on: July 15, 2019, 04:57:16 PM »
I’m waiting.  All I need is for him to be gone a few hours and I can completely move out; this is difficult because he’s always home and if he does run an errand, he uses my car. He has a large truck, but doesn’t like to use it to run errands, so he uses my car. 

This weekend was interesting. We actually almost broke up. 

On Friday my boyfriend rented another truck (an employee was going to use his) and needed me to drive him over to the rental lot and pick it up.  I dropped him off and waited, he came back in a panic and said “I need your credit card!”  And I was like, “what?  Why?”  He told me they wouldn’t take a debit card (I should note that my boyfriend has never taken advantage of me financially).   My problem was the demand and the tone.  There was no asking, just commanding, it’s like I had no choice. 

Unfortunately all my cards are locked up in my desk at work.  Because I was buying a house, I had locked them up in my desk because I didn’t want to be tempted. 

I told him that I didn’t have my credit card.  He then huffed and said, “well we’ve got to go get it!”

I was furious and told him that I was upset (by his demand/tone and that once again his emergency had become my problem).  Not to mention, the liability would be mine as now I had to rent the truck since it was my card!  As we drove to my office, We got into a huge fight.  I told him that I was stressed and that I couldn’t live like this.  He once again said “if you want to break up, just do it”. I just couldn’t say it (I was driving and just couldn’t get it out of my mouth, I also wasn’t completely prepped to move out that night).  He then said (after the break up comment). If we break up, at least help me out this weekend (ie. Work the farm stand on Saturday).  I was just blown away, and said, “nice, so even if we break up, you need me to work!”  He sort of fumbled and was like, “ no, that’s not true”

We didn’t speak the rest of the night and he left in the morning (to work another farm stand while I worked ours)

I wanted to just bail, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t do that to our customers and as sad as it sounds, I couldn’t do that to him.

So I worked the stand and I was furious at myself.  I vowed to never be in this type of situation ever again. 

When he returned, he acted like everything was normal.  A customer was standing there and he made this huge production about how I was the boss and that I was amazing, etc, etc, etc. 

On Sunday he actually wanted to relax, so he was pretty much glued to his phone (Facebook and Netflix) while I read.   I longed to be at my new house, but I still feel trapped. 

All I pretty much have is a closet of clothes and several books.  I’m taking my 2 dogs and cat.  They all have kennels, but I think I can get everything in my car with one trip.  I will have to leave a few things behind (a desk and bookshelves).  But I can buy another desk and bookshelves. 

He was nice to me on Sunday, but there is tension.   

Pray that I can get out by Thursday.   I need an hour or two. 

I will keep you posted. 

« Last Edit: July 15, 2019, 04:59:42 PM by bohemian butterfly »

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Spygirl

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Re: Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2019, 05:18:47 PM »
Youre amazing!

You have done a great job at getting ready to go.  :applause:

I am rooting for you to get a time slot to get out asap!

You got this!

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losingmyself

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Re: Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2019, 06:40:50 PM »
We are all rooting for you! I have been following your story, and I cried when you got your house, I'm so happy for you! I hope you find peace, don't be so hard on yourself, you're following your plan, and you have a wonderful group of people behind you! I'll bet if one of us were there, we would figure out a way to get him away for as long as you need! Good luck, keep moving forward, you're an inspiration to all of us trying to get out! You got this!

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11JB68

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Re: Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2019, 08:23:07 PM »
Uocpdh does that 'she's the boss' thing too. Can't stand it. I'm not the boss of anything.

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SerenityCat

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Re: Trying to act normal is confusing to my brain
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2019, 11:56:05 PM »
Sending you good thoughts. You can do this.