Itís a bad night.

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CoffeeCup2

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Itís a bad night.
« on: July 10, 2019, 01:48:56 AM »
I canít help it. Iím at a loss.

Iím so incredibly triggered by actions of guy that gave unwanted attention. The thing I fear is we have mutual friends. Friends I adore. I donít want to look like a miserable, mean, cold-hearted ďyou know whatĒ because Iíve just stopped all communication with this person.

Iím sorry, but some of his ďissuesĒ are the exact same ďissuesĒ as uNPDx had. Exact same. Itís like when I see this, and see him showing interest the way he is, suddenly bells and whistles are going off and itís like being with uNPDx all over again. Suddenly Iím brought back to dealing with uNPDx and those issues. Everything came rushing back.

I kind of / sort of knew about the similar issues before when it was just strictly friends, but when the attention got a little more heavy and less ďfriendlyĒ, I just got so triggered.

I feel like a terrible person because maybe itís not even the same, but it still triggered me so hard. And I just retreated. And maybe heís telling mutual friends that Iím being a cold bitch (which I am). Maybe I should have done what T told me to do and told him I am not interested in him that way (I just couldnít do that because he hadnít even asked me out, I heard it through the grapevine).

I feel like my friendships with mutual friends will now be ruined. They will side with him. I will be banished. I will be talked about for being this horrible person.

I hate uNPDx and what he did to me.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Itís a bad night.
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2019, 02:53:02 AM »
How do you know that all friends will side with him? If he did not approach you directly, you heard it through the grapevine only, how do you know that he will be hurt by your rejection? He reminds you of your ex. You were unhappy with your ex. Why would you do a repeat? You have every right to protect yourself from people who are similar to your ex.

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athene1399

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Re: Itís a bad night.
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2019, 11:40:42 AM »
You can't know what he's saying to his friends unless you hear from someone he is saying it. And if he is saying things, you don't know that the friends will side with him over you. If anyone asks, be honest. He was coming on too strong and you were put off by it so thought it best to sever ties so things weren't awkward between you two. The situation made you uncomfortable so you removed yourself from it. There is nothing wrong with removing yourself from a potentially harmful situation. You should not feel guilty for avoiding people who remind you of your ex.

I avoid people who remind me of my mom. It triggers the crap out of me, but I get pissed off. i don't want to be pissed off, so I avoid them. If it's someone I can't avoid (like my one coworker), I leave the room. If she acts too much like my mom, I hang out in the bathroom for a bit.  Just some of what she says triggers me and I get so mad I have to leave. I'm afraid I may say something I shouldn't. My coworker may not be able to change what she says, but I can leave the room. That has helped me out a lot.