Recovering from online craziness

Started by SerenityCat, June 06, 2019, 09:55:41 PM

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SerenityCat

Off and on for about a year, I was active on a social media platform, sort of like Twitter but not. I initially really enjoyed it. People were friendly and the conversations were interesting.

But one woman kept targeting me. I left for a few months then returned, she seemed better behaved, I relaxed, she lashed out again, rinse and repeat.

She'd build up with angry, agitated posts, despairing about her life. She'd decide that the rest of us weren't responding in the right way and she'd lash out. Many of her claims were paranoid and untrue. She insisted that several of us, especially me, were abusing her.

I got caught up in wondering if I was doing something wrong. If there way some magical way that I could walk on eggshells quieter there online so that she would not do her next cyclical explosion. But I wasn't doing anything wrong.

All of this happening online on this one platform, with a person who is barely even an acquaintance.

I put myself through way too much anxiety with this. It triggered memories of family abuse . I thought that surely I could just block or ignore her. I believed that something must be wrong with me because I couldn't seem to shrug all this off.

Fortunately I knew to not discuss any of this with her. I didn't try to help her with problems, I didn't try to calm her down. I didn't try to tell her that she seemed paranoid and histrionic. Maybe that is why she kept trying to bait me.

I finally left the social media site entirely. Deleted my account and will just have to stay away entirely for my own well being. Her behavior was never quite enough to get her kicked out, it didn't quite break the actual rules.

This could have happened on most any social media. In hindsight I am somewhat amazed at how long it took for me to figure things out. Red flags were waving, my anxiety level was high, and I returned to my old beliefs that surely something must be wrong with me. I kept trying to "figure things out" when I really needed to get fully away.

I'm so relieved that I am no longer available to all that crazy abuse. I've made good decisions about my difficult personality disordered family - turns out I need to apply those decisions to my online interactions too.

Penny Lane

I'm sorry you went through all this. Online spaces can look like a feeding ground for PDs who need attention or a rotating cast of new targets.

It sounds like you set good boundaries and made good choices around this. Kudos for that!

SerenityCat

Thank you Penny Lane.

Online can definitely be a feeding ground for PDs. Now I know that I need to take my tools with me everywhere, even online.

GentleSoul


SerenityCat

Thank you GentleSoul.

This all was uncomfortable for me, I even went through some withdrawal symptoms.

But now that I am out of the fogginess of that experience I can see that there were all sorts of issues. The site is actually some sort of covert fan club for the anonymous founder. The founder behaves in a narcissistic unethical manner. I was caught up in maybe yearning to be one of the "cool kids" .

Live and learn.  :)

GentleSoul

Quote from: SerenityCat on July 02, 2019, 02:55:34 PM
Thank you GentleSoul.

This all was uncomfortable for me, I even went through some withdrawal symptoms.

But now that I am out of the fogginess of that experience I can see that there were all sorts of issues. The site is actually some sort of covert fan club for the anonymous founder. The founder behaves in a narcissistic unethical manner. I was caught up in maybe yearning to be one of the "cool kids" .

Live and learn.  :)

Many thanks for sharing these thoughts, they are helpful to me.  I very much relate.

We do indeed live and learn.   :)

Phoenix Rising

Congrats on getting yourself out of that situation and off that website!

I came across your post and can relate as I am dealing with a uNPD/APD I met from a social networking site. Sounds similar, behaves poorly but flies under the radar. I've had many positive IRL relationships and was naive to how many PD are hanging around these places.

I hope you didn't end up blaming yourself.. I think some PD are really good at covering things up for a short period of time. Especially online.
And here you are living despite it all..

Know this: the person who did this to you is broken. Not you... I will not watch you collapse