I need to get this off my chest

[beth207]

I had to tell my son he can't live here or be anywhere near my home because he is abusing drugs, stealing from me and violent.  Last time I allowed him to be here, he smashed a mirror, I still have glass in my foot.  He came to get his stuff and accidentally (I think it was an actual accident) broke a window.  Last May he texted me, and I told (again) him he may not come here.  He wanted to get some things he has stored.  I told him it was not urgent.  There were robins nesting where he has some storage containers.

He's texting me again.  He has a gross couch that it will cost me 25 to take to the dump.  It's 99.50 for the window glass, 100 to install it.  He stole @ 1200 this last time, and owes me thousands that he borrowed.  He has stolen from me in the past. 

He has 3 things I could sell for about 200, but I don't are about that so much as the hurt of seeing him.  I would describe him as bipolar, he has intensity of emotion, violent expression of anger, anxiety, rapid mood changes and escalation of mood and expression.  he may have narcissistic disorder. His father/my ex- is narcissistic and angry and taught my son to have contempt for me.  I love my son but dealing with him over the years has caused me a lot of pain, depression, hurt, and this has affected my health significantly. I just don't have the energy to deal with more hurt. 

I texted back that I need the money for the window and to reimburse what he stole, and his address so I can have him served with a protection order.  That if he is getting help for his anger issues, I won't serve the order. 

At some point I have to be tough enough to not let him abuse me more.  It's not okay for him to think it's okay to walk all over me.  Cutting off contact, estranging myself from the person I love so much tears me up.  I've been in tears since I got the text.   When I threw him out of the house a year ago, I sobbed for months. I don't know if I will ever feel okay again, but I am doing the best I can to try.   Thanks for giving me the space to say this. 

[Magnolia34]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. My DH and I are going through something similar with my DSS18. He hasn't been diagnosed with anything but we've recently been seeing some really crazy mood swings, uncontrollable anger, completely inability to admit fault, drug use, etc. He also steals from us and his younger siblings when he can.

I think you're absolutely right to consider a protection order if he's unwilling to get help for his anger. Your mental and physical health are so important and it's not at all selfish to consider them over your son at this time. Creating some healthy boundaries between yourself and his outbursts will hopefully help your mental and physical symptoms.

You're not alone. Please know that.

[beth207]

Thank you. It's a terrible heartbreak, but I want to try to have a life.

[notrightinthehead]

I am so sorry Beth that you are going through this. Sometimes we need to love our children from a distance.

[Brooke]

Sometimes we need to love our children from a distance.

So true.