Dysfunctional friends expect us to just be available

Started by Call Me Cordelia, July 16, 2019, 03:59:50 PM

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Call Me Cordelia

So we had vague plans to go to an amusement park "sometime this summer" with another family when they were coming to town. So we get a text that the day is this Friday?!? That's a workday, dude. I'm just annoyed with the lack of communication and have been wanting to distance ourselves from this family for some time now... Both parents come from N family systems, as do DH and I so I don't discount them outright because of that. But their own behavior is concerning on many occasions, and often triggering to me.

We do have the option of doing it that weekend, but that is not really convenient either. I say we should go with another family on a day that works better and our kids will get over it and we can ALL enjoy the day.

DH is having a hard time saying no... rescheduling another weekend is not an option since they live far. I'm just mad that DH is wanting so bad to accommodate people who aren't treating us well. Codependency sucks. I hate being the sentry over my FOC all by myself all the time. And I want to scream, "This is why I don't trust you around your (N) mother! You don't even enjoy these people that much and look at yourself!"

I'll probably "get my way" in the end this time but any thoughts on how to grow from this experience? I feel like we keep going around and around the same sort of scenario. I sometimes keep my boundary and sometimes not, being honest, but I am always the heavy.

Penny Lane

Could he go without you? Let him reap the consequences of his codependency while you do what you would've done otherwise?

Call Me Cordelia

Yeah. Dithering. I said I'm staying home with the baby. Crazy heat index that day. And still, dithering.  :sadno: