13 yrs w/ perceived sociopath lover. I'm STUCK. Alone, sad, scared, and broken.

[carlyjo]

Hello, I am an older female who isn't attractive, owns a house, has no running vehicle and no public transportation, no family, and no friends. I have so much to say. Basically, my live-in boyfriend of 13 yrs, got mad mad at me yrs ago because i didn't believe he loved me. I let my wall down. I let myself care. He told me even in writing that I was all he would ever want or need the rest of his life. I fell for this. I relaxed. I got comfortable. There are too many details and I dont know which ones might be important, but he started making it clear through actions or lack there of, that he did not love me. And out of hurt, frustration, anger, and disbelief on my part, we had words and he said he was moving. But a like so many times, he didn't. He doesn't want to leave my house.  The fact that I am so sad and he is so clueless as to what my problem is ... He never shows emotion, doesn't understand hurt I don't think, never cries,...he is just in a cold matter of fact fashion going on with the show minus He&I. It's so no big deal to him. He isn't the one sad and needing someone. His family is 3 blocks away. Also I have had hell over the years with his hoarding and a very annoying habit of grouping objects together like wood, plstic, a nail, and a cig butt, all over the place. He also dots the perimeter of my property with white or shiney objects. He also does that in some rooms of the house. It could possibly have to do with hoodoo. To get him out of here, I have to file eviction. I don't have the money. I get a low  SS check monthly. And he will do little things to ruin my property and I AM JUST MISERABLE and alone and sad and afraid of "going Pink" aka BIZERK. I don't want to completely lose it, but I'm rather unstable.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the forum- i am sorry that you have found yourself at a rock bottom place with the relationship and know how hard it is to reach out for help when a romantic relationship doesn't work out, adding the complications of possible mental illness and hoarding only make it harder.

we are very concerned about the comments you made in this post about going pink or beserk and because of that concern, are providing you with emergency information

https://outofthefog.website/emergency

For whoever needs help right now you can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting "START" to 741-741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

National Mental Health Association Crisis Line
1-800-969-6642

Suicide Crisis Hotline
1-800-784-2433

Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Online Chat with trained Advocates Available
https://www.thehotline.org

you can also always call 9-1-1 if you find yourself in that dark place where you are afraid of what you may do. 


it sounds like you have put a lot more of yourself into the relationship that you are getting in return.  you mentioned that his family is very close, but have you ever asked yourself that the reason they don't reach out is because they also experienced the same treatment and behaviors and are also scared of him?

be safe.  understand that domestic violence, initiated by either of you, will only compound the difficulties of the relationship even more and make it even harder to break it off-