She asks 'where are you'

[foggyme]

M wants to know where I am whenever we speak. She usually asks this in the first part of the phone conversation. I have always assumed she does this because she is controlling. Anybody else got a mother that does this ?
How do I even answer this without giving into her need to know without being snippy? Because if I do the focus of the conversation turns to how rude I am.

[AnneH]

Oh yes, uNM and en D would *always* ask where I was; unM would even ask what I was wearing! Let's just say I never felt an overwhelming need to tell the truth here, especially if we were on vacation because, really, how could I be so SELFISH as to take a vacation anywhere but in their town, since I was already SELFISH enough to have moved overseas, e.g. far away from them!!!!

[illogical]

Oh yes, uNM and en D would *always* ask where I was; unM would even ask what I was wearing! Let's just say I never felt an overwhelming need to tell the truth here, especially if we were on vacation because, really, how could I be so SELFISH as to take a vacation anywhere but in their town, since I was already SELFISH enough to have moved overseas, e.g. far away from them!!!!

My feelings are that the question is invasive and I agree with AnneH about giving her a bogus answer.  Maybe try using the same answer every single time she asks,

Her:  Where are you?
You:  At home.

I would say this no matter where I was.  After a time-- and it may be a long time-- she may give up asking.  I think she wants to know where you are because it is her way of invading your privacy.  Like coming into your room when you were a kid without asking.  I wouldn't push back on this, because she is likely to proceed with a circular conversation.  Just shrug it off and tell her you are at home.  Grey rock it.  Be borrrrrrring!  When she decides it's not going to bother you her asking, she will likely give it up.

[Sojourner17]

My mother will also ask such questions, including asking what I was doing that I didn't pick up the phone even if I called back 5minutes later.  It drove me crazy!  I'm taking a break right now so I'm not getting those questions at the moment. I agree to some extent about giving a bland answer but what if you gave her a non answer instead and ask HER where she is?  Kind of like the following:
M: where ARE you?
You:Where are YOU?
Don't even answer her question. Flip it back on her And see what happens 😊
She may just go into her stuff which is good in a way, she may go back to her question , which in that case you could choose to become a broken record and ask the same question back again.

[Andeza]

Haha! What Sojourner suggested, I've done that before. I get called a "smartass."

Usually M doesn't ask where I am though. She almost never goes anywhere so she always assumes I'm at home because I'm not a separate entity from her, which I am mostly home now what with DS, but when I was working she would pull that kinda crap while I was at work. More than once I would answer, ask what's the emergency? Oh there isn't one? Well, can't talk then I've got cranky truckers to deal with, bye. And go back to my job.

Her favorite question is "What are you doing?" Oh, you know, the usual stuff...

[Call Me Cordelia]

Nosy questions deserve turning boundary-less PD behavior back on them.

Where are you? Out and about. I have some errands. I have library books to return, I really have a thing for murder mysteries lately. This last one take place in a train... (recount entire plot of Murder on the Orient Express, with spoilers). I have to go to the grocery store for (reads entire list)...

If they still haven't "had to let you go," you could always read off the list of spices in your kitchen and ask they think you're missing any...

[Fiasco]

OMG call me Cordelia I'm laughing out loud

[p123]

Ha ha  - my Dad does this. Also asks "so what are you doing the weekend?". Looking for a gap in my schedule that can be dedicated to him usually so I've got to be careful.

Once or twice I've said "Im away for the weekend". Hes then said "Yes thats OK you go away". In a nice way but its like hes giving me permission not to be around for him!

Oh and we joke about the 10 mile exclusion zone. Never admit to ever being within 10 miles of his house (I live about 20 miles away) or its automatic grounds for a visit. He goes into a real mood if he knows you've been in the area.

[Brooke]

This is such a controlling tactic. My mother does it too. I always say "out east, why?" no matter where I am. 

[TriedTooHard]

Before the days of cell phones, when I was a child, my uPD grandmother used to call the house and ask whoever answered, "you're home?"  We were trained by uPD mother to tell her no, no one was home.