Hello,
Well, it's not enough that I'm trying to deal with the PDs who are in my life now, but recently I have been disturbed by notes and e-mails from someone I haven't seen in many years. I would really appreciate your read on this.
Last year, out of the blue, she e-mailed my husband and told him to have me write her at her work address. I had always thought she was a highly competitive person, and I just didn't want someone else like this in my life, so I didn't reply. Then, six months ago, she sent me a personal note, and in a moment of weakness, I replied, writing to her e-mail address.
She immediately wanted to get together, telling me that we would meet here, not asking if I would prefer to meet in her city. I replied that I was not up to meeting in person, because of my mobility issues. She really seemed displeased by this, as in ticked off, not as in sorry to hear about my problem.
Also, she wrote a lot about going to our high school reunions and all about who had been "successful." Successful to her is all about "fame and fortune," not at all about who you are as a person. She was like this when she was young, which is the main reason I had resisted contacting her. When she wrote about the reunion, she mentioned how she would like to see a good friend of mine and a cousin of mine. This really surprised me, because she had never had anything to do with either when we were young. Nor are they successful by her lights, but perhaps she wants to check this out for herself.
She mentioned these people one other time, and I didn't take the bait. Then, today, she sent me what I can only call a disturbing e-mail. First, she mentioned another "successful" person, talking about where she lived, and managing to get in that she wasn't married and had never married. Something I couldn't care less about, and which is none of her business! I was really turned off.
Then, yet again, she talked about wanting to have contact with my good friend and with my cousin. (She underlined that she'd known I'd been close with my friend when we were young.) Then she said that she knew my good friend didn't "do reunions." (She attended one, and was appalled when a very sweet woman--formerly thin and now overweight--had been voted "Most Changed." Is that disgusting, or what? She said the poor woman was mortified! I guess that group had retained all of the cruelty of high school.)
Then, she posted a one sentence paragraph, saying, "Are you still in contact with X?" The good friend. I find this obsessiveness really off-putting. This is just how she was when she contacted me. It was as if I didn't have the right to refuse her. Just as I was supposed to fall right into line with meeting her where SHE wanted. Now she is obviously ticked off that I am not giving her the info she wants about my friend. Well, she found me, and my friend is even easier to find, because she has never moved--AND this woman knows her married name! She does NOT need me to get in contact with her, but clearly she wants to use me for that.
The whole tone of this e-mail was cold and what I would call predatory. That is how intent she is upon getting her way. I should have listened to my gut and not replied when she looked me up. Would love to hear your observations about this, and whether any of you have encountered something like this with friends from the past.