Likely PD trying to control entire organization

[Call Me Cordelia]

So I'm volunteering with a new organization in my community. Good friends of ours are among the founders. Great thing, and I really want to be part of this and have a lot to contribute. But there's this other person who is also involved, directly above me actually. And she has to have some kind of PD. She manipulated her way into a leadership role before I even joined, and now as we're getting down to the real work here she's being dictatorial about every stupid little thing. Very inflexible about when and where meetings happen, how long, how often, all of it. I volunteered to do a time-sensitive task and she swooped in and took over and produced something else like right then, even though it would have made much more sense to share this other resource a long time ago. It's clear what works for the majority and she doesn't like it, so she keeps coming up with a plethora of "other options" that don't really address our actual needs. There have been repeated appeals to authority that I'm pretty sure are merely based on her preferences. Whenever someone expresses an opinion there are immediate objections or myriad requests for clarification when the person has been pretty clear. I feel like we're mostly wasting our time dealing with this one difficult person instead of doing what we need to do. And we're just getting started.

The board is highly aware of the problem, but believe we're stuck with her. They advised me to just go to them with stuff, in other words just go over her head. That seems to put me in an even more difficult position. I don't want to just quit at this point but I am already dreading it... I'm pretty much doing this for my daughters. I am planning to rock that toolbox, but I would appreciate specific advice!

[TriedTooHard]

Not sure if this relates to your particular situation, but I find that people like this, in the beginning, tend to have enormous fund raising abilities.  They don't seem to notice or care about what others think, and in the beginning, that helps with the fund raising and other tasks that some of us find difficult.  If this person is still in that stage, I'd be very careful about what you do or say to others in the organization.  Its been my experience that while others may be very much aware of the issues, they'll be willing to look the other way until things get out of control.

And things most likely will get out of control.  I can't predict exactly how it will happen, but eventually this type does burn out, and there will be some gaffe while they're burning out.  The fund raising won't be as good as it used to be, because others in the community will tire of always being asked to give.  In the meantime, your experience here will help you cope with how to react around this person.

In addition to the skills from the toolbox, it also helped me to remember how my uNPD parents used to react in situations like this, and how they'd come home to loudly vent and complain to us kids about what went on, and analyze and trash just about everyone in the group.  Sometimes it took nerves of steel, but I was very cautious not to do this around my child.  Sometimes, though, it would be so triggering, I couldn't resist telling my husband about it after my child went to bed.  The next time I'd go to volunteer, he wouldn't be as supportive of my time away from home.  He'd try, but he'd wonder why I was bothering.

[clara]

TriedTooHard  makes a good point--this person may right now be too valuable to the organization to do anything about her.  The situation reminds me of a uNPD friend who worked for several years for a non-profit, and one of his tasks was fund-raising.  He was very good at fund-raising primarily because of his innate ability to charm and manipulate.  As long as the outcome was positive, the organization was willing to put up with him.  The benefits of having him around outweighed the negatives.  But then, as will almost always happen with PDs, he overstepped himself and started turning on the very people who'd been supportive of him in the past, despite his various problematic behaviors.  He'd brag to me about the damage he thought he was doing to them--as proof of his superiority over them--but even as I was still in the fog about PDs at that time, I could see he was courting trouble.  Indeed, after awhile the Board made moves to get rid of him and while he ranted and railed against them and about how everything  would fail if he wasn't there to handle it, they're still going strong without him. 

[Hazy111]

The Board told you to go over head, then go over head (get it confirmed in writing, just in case). If she complains then you are only complying with what you have been  told .  The Board must act eventually  and either side with you or let it continue as it is . Then its down to you, is it all worth the aggravation?

Ive seen this and heard it time and time again.., a pd in a middle management position. They either try to make themselves unsackable as they are so useful for a weaker senior management who wont grasp the nettle and deal with the issue. They sideline it, ignore it, transfer it, ask for extra training , fact find mission etc etc. The problem is the person is PD which cant be solved within the normal procedures.

Ultimately the whole PD, (especially when in a position of power)  in the workplace is a nightmare. Hopefully there is a good outcome, but you must weigh up all the eventualities for your own satisfaction.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Thanks everyone, that is all good advice. Probably it is wisest to keep my own counsel on this matter and let the wheels fall off. I'm more inclined to be the one to yell out, "Hey, right here, a pink elephant!" And then I'm the messenger that gets shot.

As far as going over her head goes, practically speaking that's going to be difficult. But we'll see. The board has been instructed from even higher up to work with her. 

[Hazy111]

Youre probably right. No one ever gets any thanks for "putting their head above the parapet"

Hans Christian Anderson knew a lot about PD and human behavior. The fairy tale of "The Emperors new clothes" still rings true. Dont speak the truth unless everyone else is prepared to.