I’m a mess, but I did it. I left

[Stillirise]

Best wishes on your next chapter!  We are all pulling for you here!

[looloo]

BB, by the time you check back in here you might have already arrived at this, but I hope you aren't giving yourself a hard time anymore about deleting your parents' contact information from your ex's phone.  I think of it this way:  it is YOUR stuff.  Like, if you had kept a jacket of yours in your ex's closet, you'd go into his closet and get your jacket back.  You weren't going through his clothes or searching his pockets, you were just taking what was yours — he has no claim to it.  And,  you know that he wouldn't be respectful of you if he did have the info, so in the interest of self protection, you absolutely did the right thing.

Hope you and your pets are settling in nicely!

[Call Me Cordelia]

One more, "Atta girl!" So proud of you! :allthecelebratoryemojis: 

[cant turn back]

WOW!!  That is indeed an amazing update.  Best thing I've ever read!!  You are so strong and inspiring.  Taking control of your life, following your own compass. Good for you!!!
I agree with Pushit, the hardest part is over.  You jumped the hurdle.  Now he knows, your friends know, and your family knows.  This is huge.  You did it!!  Though it will like be a very weird few days and some doubts will likely creep in as you feel out of sorts in your new reality, especially if your animals are unsettled.  When those feelings crop up, find ways to remind yourself of all the things that got you to this point.  Remember, you ARE allowed to grow, change, even fall out of love with someone, sure it's hard, it's hurtful, ending things is never easy.  But it's YOUR life.  You have to do what is right for you.  No person worth being with would want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with them, who doesn't love them.  Stay strong.   

[1footouttadefog]

I hope you and your pets are all snuggled and happy in your new home.  I hope all who enter there bring joy of their own and share it with you.

I hope you soon find your self busy making your house a home that reflects your best life, and that your life will have non abusive, thoughtful people in it that you trust and feel safe around.

[WomanInterrupted]

YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!   

I think it was incredibly *smart* for you to remove your parents' contact info from his phone.  That's not sneaky or devious, that's being *pro-active* in protecting yourself from a potential form of abuse:  exBF calls   your parents to kvetch or cry on them, and they start on *you* immediately, pelting you with 10,000 nosey, asky, invasive questions, including wanting to know when they can come stink up your new home with their PDs.   

In a perfect world, NEVER - but you've just cut one potentially *huge* breach to your privacy.   

All that's left to do is get settled in, get your bearings, and watching your pets relax one *you* start to.   

I haven't had to move houses with a pet in over 30 years, but if you have any that are taking it rough, CBD oil is their friend - and you can get it on Amazon.

You might want to invest in some for yourself - lord knows how rough *you've* had it!   

Take *good* care  of yourself, and "see" you (on the boards) soon.

[Blackbird11]

  BB you continue to be an inspiration! Glad you were able to exit safely.

[GentleSoul]

Sending prayers and strength to you.  Very well done. 

Excellent forward planning to block him and also to remove the numbers from his phone.

I hope you find peace. 

[Peace Lily]

Bohemian Butterfly, I have been in a difficult place and have been following your posts. I think this news is totally awesome! You are awesome and a true inspiration to others!

[daughterofbpd]

Hi BB.

I just wanted to add my support and let you know that you are amazing.

My cats had a tough time adjusting to our house when we first moved and I think that's normal so don't feel bad for uprooting them. They will be fine, running around and exploring before you know it.

Another thing you should be prepared for, just in case... My sis is going through a divorce. My parents have been pretty hands off with her, entrusting that her husband was keeping her in line and watching over her (gross, I know but they gave her more space because of this). Now that she's on her own again, my M feels the need to try and control her (even told her to get back with her ex). My M has been treating my sis like she's in her early 20s again! Thinks she doesn't know how to pay bills, etc. Anyway, I'm not sure if your parents are like that but just wanted you to be prepared that they might think they can step in since your bf is out of the picture. Maybe keep some distance until you feel stronger.

Sending virtual hugs your way.  I promise it'll get easier in time.

[mrstring]

Congrats!! Another Out of the FOG happy story. As far as the dogs and cat, they are with you so they'll be happy.
Leaving is very tough. Good luck on the road ahead. I kind of looked at it as surgery, The tumor that was killing me was removed, the recovery may be tough but necessary and ultimately better off at the end

[Arkhangelsk]

Brave woman.  Bravo.

I thought about you several times on the 22nd.  I am so glad to see you found the strength to make it out.  Best wishes as you move forward.

[bohemian butterfly]

Thank you so much everyone!  I read each and every one of your comments and they made me cry.  Thank you so much for your support!  It meant and means so much to me.  I'm not joking when I say that you all helped me sooo much (more than you'll ever know!)

I'm 5 days out.  No contact from him at all.  I blocked his cell # and deactivated my Facebook, but I did not block him on email (I think part of me wanted him to at least reach out and apologize??)  But I have heard absolutely nothing.  Part of me is so hurt, like I meant absolutely nothing to him.....but the majority of me feels relieved (85% relieved, 15% hurt)

So, good news.  I did more this past weekend than I've done in the past 6 months.  The first day was a little painful (I was definitely anxious as I threw the last of my belongings in my car) but I didn't grieve for long (my therapist said it's because I have been grieving him and the end of the relationship for months).  On Saturday I went on a 25 mile bike ride on a local trail.  I felt like a 50lb weight had been lifted from my body.  As I rode, I felt the breeze on my skin and I looked up at the blue skies and I was just blown away at how much I've missed these past 4 years.

Yesterday I was down for a few hours, but this was due to the fact that I had spoken to my mother late Monday night.  I gave her a brief update (we broke up, I moved out) and although she seemed supportive at first, she ended up (at the end of the call) lamenting on how wonderful of a person he was (she said, "he was sooo good to us!  He was sooo giving!  He was so great with the kids" (my nieces and nephews) etc, etc)   I felt crappy after I disconnected and didn't sleep well that night, but thankfully I had a therapy session yesterday, so she helped get me out of my funk. 

So overall, I am doing pretty good so far and once again, I really, really appreciate all of your kind and thoughtful words and your encouragement. 

I will stay on the boards and continue to update and continue to chat.  My journey is still ongoing and I'm glad that I have all of you in my life.

[JollyJazz]

On Saturday I went on a 25 mile bike ride on a local trail.  I felt like a 50lb weight had been lifted from my body.  As I rode, I felt the breeze on my skin and I looked up at the blue skies and I was just blown away at how much I've missed these past 4 years.

What a terrific sign to have that surge of energy! And it sounds like you have excellent forms of self care with that long bike ride! It is great that you have the support of your therapist and a place of your own.

I'm sorry to hear that your M has not been supportive in the way that you needed and it made you feel down. I'm glad you had your T to pick you up.

It is wonderful that you are keeping your journey of growth and healing going.

I think you've done a wonderful job!  I have been through a similar kind of escape so I really relate to how hard what you have done is. I think it is quite normal to have some grieving feelings for a while as you heal and recover.

You've done an awesome and amazing thing.

[1footouttadefog]

Glad you are having periods of feeling great.  I envy your trail ride, I have been trying to get back into such things myself.

I hope that over the next weeks the periods of being down will be less and less.

Sorry  to read about your convo with your  mom.  Perhaps she's grieving the loss of who she thought he was also.  Hopefully she will see that you are in a better situation and be more supportive with time.

[Veloter]

I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself and got out in the fresh air!   

I think it is very telling that your BF has not attempted to contact you.  I know what you mean though, a tiny part of you had visions of him crying and begging you to come back.  Not that you would .......   He's treating you like an employee that quit, just as you suspected.    It all just confirms that fact that you made the right decision.   

I agree that your mom is just mourning the loss of who she thought he was.  You know better.  Going forward, I would be firm with her in that there will be no discussion of him.

Please come back once in a while and keep us updated.   I hope you and your pets continue to enjoy  your new wonderful life!

[Spygirl]

Its tough for people on the outside. They  see Dr. JEKELL, you are the only one subjected to HYDE in private.

I had these same interactions, i felt i was blamed for the breakup. Then i considered they might think

"Hmmmm, she walked away from that smart, handsome man, so kind and funny! She abandoned the home, the financial security, the insurance, and she isnt young.  She didnt get alot of alimony either. Shes moving far away. I wonder what was so awful to do that?"

Time is on my side. I am going to reach my full potential. Now that i am not caretaking his mentL problems, its going to happen fast.