Making mountains out of molehills

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Writingthepain

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Making mountains out of molehills
« on: July 22, 2019, 06:42:12 PM »
My npd mom has always been unable to let the slightest infraction or annoyance go. The merest mistake is blown out of all proportions and is apparently a symptom of a bigger problem always. It's not "you forgot to do that" its "you forgot this which makes you have no respect for me and our whole relationship is over!"
Is this normal with these types of parents?

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SerenityCat

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Re: Making mountains out of molehills
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2019, 07:17:03 PM »
My mom did the same thing. Most everything was blown way out of proportion. I was blamed unfairly for most everything. She did not seem to be able to keep things in perspective.

This fits into several of the traits and behaviors described here: https://outofthefog.website/traits

I know that this can be tough to cope with. Most people behaving this way will not listen to reason. In my own experience, I had to eventually limit contact for my own well being.

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Ariel

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Re: Making mountains out of molehills
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2019, 11:55:58 PM »
Unfortunately it is. Anything that was not perfect only proved how horrible a person I was. Yes I am uncaring and it just shows that I am.. fill in n the blank with any negative characteristic. Try not to let it get to you, it's her problem. You are fine

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: Making mountains out of molehills
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2019, 02:04:24 AM »
YES!   :phoot:

UnBPD Didi and unNPD Ray were masters of blowing things *way* out of proportion - during an actual crisis, both were *calm* and almost cheerful/bemused about it, but  the smaller the molehill, the bigger the stink.

When I was around 8, I was tasked with cleaning the house Friday evenings, while Didi and Ray were both at work (ah, the days of being a latchkey child).  I think they figured not only would it keep me busy, but it would keep me from making friends with people *and* give them plenty of fodder to complain about.   :roll:

Every Friday, without fail, I'd do the cleaning, and every Friday, Didi would manage to find the *one* thing I forgot to do and  start screaming at the top of her lungs about my level of incompetence, and how STUPID I must be to have forgotten to scour a sink or dust a shelf full of knick-knacks.   :stars:

She wouldn't say, "Hey...you missed a bit, but not a big deal, you can get it later..." or God Forbid, "Let ME get that while I'm here..."  (Like that would EVER happen - they made the mess.  I got to clean it for them).  She'd freak out  and keep freaking out until Ray got home and *demand* he withhold most of my allowance *again.*   :thumbdown:

I got fifty cents a week, and if I saw a nickel of that I was lucky - and with it  would usually come, "And you're lucky I didn't smash you into next week, too, for killing your mother!"   :pissed:

Wow...a dusty shelf is gonna kill her?  She needs more help than a THOUSAND shrinks can provide!   :evil2:

Didi and Ray believed work should be just that - WORK, and miserable, drudgery at that, so things like the proper scrub brushes and vacuum attachments were called "cheating" - and there was NO cheating allowed.   :roll:

I had to vacuum the shag carpet with a Kirby that had long since had the power head tossed, when I started eyeing it and thinking it could make the job easier.  NO!  Use the hose, extension wand and the dusting brush instead - it does a better job, and will   keep me busy for *hours.*

Kirbys have changed very little, over the years and I have my own - with a power-head.  Rooms take *minutes* and I only use the wands and brushes for fiddly bits, where the vacuum doesn't actually fit.

All the brushes in our house looked the same:  like a triangle on a long handle, with short, abrasive and *very* painful bristles.  One was stained blue, from Ajax cleanser, and was kept out, in where you'd put your soap or wash cloth, if in the tub.

The other wasn't stained, and kept in the closet - for the toilet.

One day, I'm cleaning the bathroom with the blue-stained brush and Ray FLIPS OUT.  That's his BATH BRUSH!  How DARE  I use that to clean the tub!?  C'mere, you little monster - NO allowance for you, EVER!   :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh:

I kept the kitchen table between us as I said, "Mom said that's the tub brush."

Ray roared that I was *lying* and I knew that was his bath brush - and with the safety of the table between us, I said, "Didn't you ever wonder why it's BLUE?"   :snort:

No, he didn't - but that's neither here nor there, I'm a LIAR and the reason he's got such horrible psoriasis and eczema - it's all MY fault and when Didi gets home and tells him the truth, all HELL is going to break loose.

I didn't finish cleaning - I got the hell out of the house.  It was summer and all the windows were open, and not one person wondered WHY I was outside, probably everybody within a 1-block radius could hear Ray screaming at me.

Didi's ride brought her home, and I got to her first, told her the cleaning wasn't done, explained what happened with the brush, and she made the most horrified face, asking, "Didn't he wonder why it's blue?  And why the bristles are short enough to feel like wire!?"   :???:

She told me to stay outside - she's got this, and *lord* she was CALM.   :spooked:

Immediately he's screaming at her about I'm trying to kill him or make him  sick, and she's up in his face about him being the biggest idiot she's ever met - what the hell did he THINK was making his special brush turn blue!?  His skin!?   Is he really THAT stupid!?  (I couldn't believe she actually said that!)   :stars:

She called him a few other choice names, he asked about the brush in the closet and got a verbal laceration about that being for the TOILET -  then I heard them talking and a little while later, I was called into the house.  This is what happened:

1.  I didn't finish my cleaning - no allowance.

2.  Ray was *wrong* - no slaps, no spankings, no punishment.

3.  Never cause this much trouble again -or else.

4.  I could finish cleaning tomorrow, but only if Didi and Ray weren't in the room, or within earshot, so the vacuum wouldn't bug them.

In THAT insane asylum, that was the most "just" sentence I could possibly get.   :wacko:

Quick addendum:  they *did* buy Ray a proper bath brush, and the mistake never happened again - until I moved out.  Every single one of his bath brushes would slowly turn Ajax blue, so you tell me what was *really* going on.   :bigwink:

 :hug:

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caramelia

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Re: Making mountains out of molehills
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2019, 11:52:28 AM »
@womaninterrupted I'm so sorry for what you endured with those two. :(

My mother would not go crazy if I made a mistake, but she did always lay on the guilt and shame which has had very long-lasting effects on me.

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appaloosa

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Re: Making mountains out of molehills
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2019, 08:08:51 PM »
omg WI, I don't know how you survived those two lunatics. Poor little kid that was you, that makes me so sad.