Pd parents isolated?

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Writingthepain

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Pd parents isolated?
« on: July 22, 2019, 08:08:10 PM »
My npd mom is threatening to go NC on me(!) I know right?, what's even more laughable is the tiny infraction that caused this "punishment".( she maybe bluffing, this has been a constant threat of hers since I was 4)

She has been trashing every relationship she's had for 2 decades now. She now has no friends and no family shes close to. Her only "friends" as it were are on Facebook, they live on the other side of the world and have neither met nor spoken to my mom. But even those friends have a pretty frequent turnover, with mom losing interest, getting annoyed with them or taking offense at which point they are unfriended.
I can see a NC mom being totally isolated, alone in the world. Is this common for pd parents who have NC?

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SerenityCat

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2019, 09:14:25 PM »
I can relate. My undiagnosed NPD mom (she fits paranoid personality disorder too) alienated everyone, steadily, til she was alone except for care givers towards the end of her life.

When I was 13 years old she told me that I'd made her life hell for 15 years. I grew up hearing her often say that what she wanted most in the world was to leave us and disappear.

She did eventually cut off full contact from myself, some of her other children, and her grandchild. She also isolated herself from other people.

At first I felt guilty. Eventually I was glad that she cut off contact.

Some personality disordered people do this. It can be frustrating for the rest of us.

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bostonbound

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2019, 10:19:40 PM »
This is becoming exactly the situation with my dad.  "everyone" who loves him is a great distance away and most of whom he never met.  He loves controversy and frequently goes at it online with people he meets.  I'm always being compared to his wonderful "friends" who love him so much.

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Fiasco

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2019, 10:51:52 PM »
BPDm doesn’t have any long term friendships. My theory is that she dumps them all whenever she needs to change her narrative and therefor can’t have anyone around who might have know the “old” her. Every time she changes husbands or jobs she changes friends too. Pretty pitiful that I have several friends I’ve known way longer than her oldest current friend.

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blacksheep7

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2019, 08:06:54 PM »
I had to answer this.  I just came back from a childhood friend's house.  Her father, a widow is in a senior complexe with all included. He chose to go there, which I find is great.  They are not isolated and are busy if they desire.   He has suffered from depression back then but was a fairly pleasant man to speak to.  I had serious adult conversations with him when I was a young adult, not with my narc parents!

On the other hand, my NM did not want anything to do with that when she became a widow.  When I asked her why not, nm "it's not for me".  I didn't even bother going any further.  She lives in a big house, garden but alone.  She has only one friend remaining, she's  a surrogate daughter, only four years older than me.   

They expect and depend (entitlement) on us to visit and make them happy, even though they make us unhappy  :(   I would visit, she would come here minimum once a  week and  there was always something that I wasn't doing right or enough.  They push us away.

It took a nc to make me happy and a better person.
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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all4peace

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2019, 10:27:16 PM »
No, mine are surrounding themselves with so many young people, their grandkids and friends of grandkids. They're making their place the most "fun" place to be and packing it night after night. What I wonder about is when they get too physically tired/infirm to keep this up. Then I do wonder what it will look like for them. They'll probably have something else figured out by then.

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FelisViridis

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Re: Pd parents isolated?
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2019, 09:14:28 AM »
Hello there!

My NPD mother and EnF are certainly completely isolated from the world (which is one of the reasons why I feel so much guilt for not being in contact with my mother and why I simply cannot seem to make the decision to go NC with my father).

They have been like this for as long as I remember and it has always just been the three of us (I am an only child). No dinners with friends (they have none), very few meetings with family (even though they both have plenty of siblings), it's always just been us - all the better to hide the emotional abuse, I guess!

All my life, I've heard about how active my mother's social life was before she met my father and how everyone at work adored her and how it was my father's fault for being anti-social that she was left with no friends. When I was little, I believed this and felt sorry for her for having married such a grouch. Now, after having spoken to members of both my parents' families, I know that it was the other way around: yes, my father is shy compared to his loud, bossy wife but he had plenty of friends that he loved to hang out with. It was my mother who made sure our little unholy trinity was completely cut off from everyone, probably because it takes too much energy to observe the facade of normality in front of other people. She could exert all the influence she wanted on my father and myself behind closed doors. :(