What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"

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biggerfish

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I noticed that now that the main PD in my life has passed away, I need to do a lot of looking back, processing, etc. But there's no category for me. I was wondering if we could experiment with a new category called something like: "After they're gone from your life." This would be inclusive of any relationship (spouse, in-law, parent, etc.) and regardless of why they're not in our lives any more. It could be because the divorce is finally over, or the person passed away, or whatever.

I'm feeling like, for myself, there's a lot to talk about, including new, more positive feelings, which I cannot share elsewhere on OOTF. I think that, in part, I need a cohort to share my joy with. But also to get a grip on how I've changed for the better, what tools I've learned which apply to all of life, and so many many things. Is this something we could consider?

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2019, 02:06:14 PM »
Thanks for the suggestion and we'll discuss as a team. In the meantime would Working on Us suffice until we have a chance to discuss?
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2019, 05:42:16 PM »
I think that's a great idea.

I've often wondered how I'll react when I can finally block my uNPD exH and his uNPD wife. It won't be for several years yet as ds is only on the cusp of teenagehood.

I think it will be a difficult time.  A whole new area of grief will need to be processed.

I think it would be helpful to have a board like Biggerfish suggested. It would surely help those who have reached a point of being pd-less, but it would also help others to be realistically prepared for when that day comes for them.

AOD

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biggerfish

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2019, 08:07:25 PM »
Thanks for the suggestion and we'll discuss as a team. In the meantime would Working on Us suffice until we have a chance to discuss?

I think so, but part of the value is that it's a place to share our joy. That's kind of specific, and may not mix well with other topics.

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Riggo199

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2019, 11:26:12 PM »
That would be wonderful!  I just went NC with my remaining family members in July.....I have been NC with my NMom for 4-5 years.  Lately, I have had waves of grief, anger, and sadness.  I come to this site alot to help me with my feelings (as I have no one to talk to about it).  So, thank you for your suggestion!

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2019, 01:38:05 PM »
That's good and just to close the loop here the team has discussed this extensively and decided not to create a new category or forum for this topic.

The current forum is designed to focus on the relationship (chosen, unchosen, etc) and whether that person is in your life or not in your life any longer for various reasons there is need to work through the repercussions of that relationship including any joy that the relationship is no longer for whatever reason.

The working on us category is specifically focused an internal work and the results or challenges around that effort.

Actually on the PD Parents Board as well as the Elderly PD board the topic of death and the various emotions surrounding it is a topic that comes up quite often.

So far in our experience the past few years the new boards we have tried do not get much traction and there is very little support.

Thank you so very much for your suggestion! Hopefully you can find the support needed within the current board structure.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist

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Crushed_Dad

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Re: What about a category called "After they're gone from your life"
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2019, 09:24:11 AM »
Can't come quickly enough  ;)