in my home without permission?

[scapegoat/caregiver]

Has anyone ever experienced your elderly NF and NM in your home while you are at work or out. without telling you before they do it or after they do it----and on a regular basis?   Quite frankly, I would not have cared if they just said " hey dropped by at your house...to rest ...eat something... or whatever...  but they never told me ... it seems creepy.

   When I was a little girl my Narc Mom used to drop us off at odd places and then leave.  I remember her dropping me and my cat off at the vets office.... my cat had an appointment and then she would  leave --for hours..like, all day.  The secretary told me at the end of the day they were closing and had to call her to come pick me and my cat up..  She did this to my brother too at the barber shop.

My point is..... there is a pattern to these type of people.  My Narc Mom taking care of my Narc F with dementia used to drop him off at the library where he would sit on the couch all day napping.... also at my house.  Of course he was also finding things wrong with me at the same time...dirty dish in sink... not perfectly clean house....laundry on the floor... find something they thought belonged to them and wanted back...(usually a gift they gave me and wanted back)  very materialistic .  I was never told about it or ever knew... (this was before I knew WHAT they were).  I found out this was happening when I was home working....my NF came in the front unlocked door (I never locked my door at that time ... )  looked at me and said 

"OH.   I did not know you were here!!!"  turned around and left.   That's how I knew and then Weird questions of things said all started to make sense.   You know they NEVER mentioned it.... Like it never happened??

Obviously, my NM was a neglectful...self centered mom.... My NF died 3 months ago...my Good brother 10 years ago ....she never cried for either one.

[SunnyMeadow]

I haven't experienced this from my narc mom. But then she'd barely want to come over to my house unless I'd put out a big effort as if the queen was coming over. Plus I think she was afraid of my husband being home during an unannounced visit.

Your mom dropping off you and your cat at the vet's office ALL DAY is terrible!! I can't even imagine what that felt like as a young child. Dropping off your dad with dementia is just beyond what I've heard before. I'm so sorry you all had to deal with this. Terrible of your mother.

Welcome to the forums scapegoat/caregiver! 

[lkdrymom]

My father had a key to my house and after my mom died he would show up without notice and just let himself in. Often we would be home and it would never occur to ring the bell, he would just unlock the door.  Pissed my husband off to no end. Started dead bolting it.

[Adria]

Yes, my dad made a key to my house and would let himself in when I was at work. I would come home and see his footprints in my carpet and smell his cologne.  When I would question him, he would say, "I don't know what you're talking about." Creepy.

[11JB68]

Not exactly the same, but clear lack of boundaries. EnF showed up once unannounced. Updh was napping, ds and I were out for a walk, so both cars in driveway, door unlocked. F Rang bell, knocked, etc. Then let himself in because he was' worried' (obviously you were home, the cars  were there"). Woke up/surprised uPDh. Didn't go well. Then yes, criticised everything (well, we weren't expecting company), complaints from updm that uPDh had no business napping during the day etc. Then I was yelled at by uPDh because it was my fault for not being there.... Nightmare. Just call first!

[Andeza]

Um... Might be time to change the locks. I wouldn't want anyone, family or not, in my house without me present.

[Lilyloo]

Oh my.......for sure there is a pattern to this type person!! That is terrible how she dropped you off places and then left, just awful!!! No boundaries with this type parent at all! And taking back a gift they gave you! Unreal!!  So sorry you have gone through such things

This brought back a memory when I was first married, my N mother would just walk in, no knock at door, no "are you home" no call before hand.  Once when I had rushed my daughter to the emergency room, she brought my visiting Aunt from out of state into my home, showed her around each room. My house was a total mess and it was embarrassing!! I was gone and shes the tour guide of MY HOME!  I had rushed out so quickly I didn't lock up.

I had completely forgotten these things, how she invaded my privacy all the time!  Shes always had a key to GC brothers house. Not Mine, ever!!