1 year NC, still struggling a lot

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sassypink

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1 year NC, still struggling a lot
« on: July 26, 2019, 02:34:39 PM »
Hello, it's nice to meet you all  :) :wave:

As a little bit of background, I've been NC with my parents for approximately one year. It's my mother who has a (suspected) personality disorder; my father is (personality-wise) fine, but enables her horrendously.

I had therapy when I first went NC which was okay, but I don't feel helped lots with the guilt. Coming up to one year NC I've been getting nightmares and guilt pangs, so I've taken up an online course of CBT led by a therapist, as well as a CBT self-help workbook. I thought I'd join this forum too because I think I really need to people who understand.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get chatting to some of you on the other forums :)

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Penny Lane

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Re: 1 year NC, still struggling a lot
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2019, 03:00:33 PM »
Hi and welcome! Glad you're here, sorry you had to be here.

I think most people on this board have probably found that healing isn't as linear as we'd like it to be. You think you're fine and then something that has meaning but also doesn't - like an anniversary - knocks you back. That's normal and I'm so glad to hear that you're taking steps to work on yourself.

As you browse around you might spend some time on the board devoted specifically to going no contact with a parent.

Looking forward to hearing more from you around the forum!
« Last Edit: July 26, 2019, 03:13:54 PM by Penny Lane »

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sassypink

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Re: 1 year NC, still struggling a lot
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2019, 03:12:08 PM »
Thanks Penny, see you around :)

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Codeep

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Re: 1 year NC, still struggling a lot
« Reply #3 on: July 27, 2019, 11:22:00 AM »
I think I can imagine how hard this would be.  My mom's issues are somewhat mild in the grand scheme of things.  I joined this forum because of my H but I would imagine that part of the reason that I am so co-dependent is because of my mom.  I've learned to set some boundaries and because she is not out of control, it does the job well enough.  My brother struggles with it (we are in our 50s).  Now that my parents are elderly, there are some new challenges because my mom is becoming depressed.  They are generally so healthy so it is sad to see that her mental health is going to get the best of her.  I've recently been encouraging them to move back toward home.  They retired to the South but not sure that would be the best thing for me.  You only have one set of parents and this is a very very painful experience.  I hope you can build some other relationships that give you the fulfillment that you deserve and would expect from your parents.  And of course building your resiliency and self-reliance are key.  Best of luck to you!