Dealing with elderly parents views

[p123]

Dad has always had pretty extreme views to be honest but, as I get older, I find some of his ideas just a bit much to deal with. Sometimes I just don't want to speak to him....

- Same sex partnerships. Told him I'd bumped into someone I knew at school who he knew too. Dad asked about him if he was married etc so I said no hes in a civil partnership. Dad then went on a 5 minute rant about how disappointed his parents must be, how it says i n the Bible. Honestly.,....

- Being racist. I've never ever seen someone so racist. I've refused to go to hospital appointments with him now. The one time, the doctor appeared to be of Asian origin. Dad pipes up to the nurse sitting there "Tell him to speak properly or get someone else who can speak English". This doctor was fine. I said afterwards how rude this was but his attitude is "my country if they don't like my comments then...."

- Attitude to kids. Brother has kids from several relationships. The one mother had "problems" so social contacted him to take custody. He spoke to Dad. Between them they decided it was too "difficult" with work so his son would have to go into a care home.... OMG I could not believe it. I felt sick whenever I spoke to either of them after this. (In the end, the boy did stay with her mother - no thanks to these pair).

I just feel we live in different world. If we weren't related I'd have nothing to with him and think he was racist, bigotted, homophobic old man....

[appaloosa]

My father is the same way. In his eighties now and talks about the 'damn gays' and 'jabbering Chinese', let's not even get into his opinions on Blacks. It's nauseating. He'd always been bad, but as he aged he took it to new levels. Fortuantely, I've been NC for years and don't have to listen to that garbage anymore.

[Honey_B]

My mother of 74 years is the same. It all just run rampant.. Racism, homophobia, sexism, anything.
She has no filter and does not care who hear her say the awful things she says. She will also randomly  accuse people she does not like of stealing, driving too fast, hitting their children, etc.

Some day, someone will kick her ass or she will be reported to the police. Or someone will take her to court for the things she says. I dont care, actually, I hope it will happen 

[2_exhausted]

 

My PDm is racist, sexist, etc....EXCEPT when if benefits her. She basically hates everyone, except herself & the few deemed "worthy" in her deranged mind.

[p123]

My mother of 74 years is the same. It all just run rampant.. Racism, homophobia, sexism, anything.
She has no filter and does not care who hear her say the awful things she says. She will also randomly  accuse people she does not like of stealing, driving too fast, hitting their children, etc.

Some day, someone will kick her ass or she will be reported to the police. Or someone will take her to court for the things she says. I dont care, actually, I hope it will happen 

Oh yes. Apologies to religious people on here but Dads answer is always "Its in the bible". Umm not so sure here for some of the stuff Dad.

He definitely covers all bases does Dad. Last nights phone call when I refused to do something for him at the weekend (I can't wife has got plans) had his standard response "Tell your wife she needs to listen when shes told". Yeh right thats going to work. It won't end well for me.

I often used to wonder when I was younger how he'd been divorced twice. Reckon I know now.

[Sidney37]

My UPDm is in her 70s.  This past visit she started making racist, anti-semitic, and homophobic comments to me and my children!     I was stunned.  She had made very vague comments in the past, but these wire direct and awful.  Her SIL is Jewish and some of her closest church friends are gay and lesbian.  She even has vacationed with these friends.  I was stunned.  I posted here wondering if she had dementia.  I was assured that it was part of the PD.  At some point there is apparently no filter what so ever. 

[p123]

My UPDm is in her 70s.  This past visit she started making racist, anti-semitic, and homophobic comments to me and my children!     I was stunned.  She had made very vague comments in the past, but these wire direct and awful.  Her SIL is Jewish and some of her closest church friends are gay and lesbian.  She even has vacationed with these friends.  I was stunned.  I posted here wondering if she had dementia.  I was assured that it was part of the PD.  At some point there is apparently no filter what so ever.

My Dads excuse is always "You know me I say what I think" or "Its in the Bible". I've given up.

[Hazy111]

Not wishing to stir up a political storm. (I know what happened when someone dared suggest that the POTUS might well be PD. Outrageous. ) but p123, can i ask . Did your father vote LEAVE perchance?  Ha Ha.

Mine believe it or not is quite a liberal/socialist which makes his selfishness so hypocritical. He voted REMAIN.

I now know why he had an irrational hatred and loathed the Royal Family all his life. They have a life of entitlement. A life he so clearly wishes he could have had deep down, so he projects these uncomfortable feelings he has onto them.  He looks at them and sees himself but cant acknowledge it. All part of the PD make up. Projective Identification.

[Andeza]

"It's in the Bible"

When I hear that I have to fight hard to resist the urge to argue. *sigh* I could point to powerful statements that pretty much entirely counter the mindset that the Bible allows anyone to be hateful/bigoted. But... this is ultimately what the PD wants, and I refuse to give it to them. In your shoes, I would state a boundary instead.

"Dad, I don't agree with your view. Do not mention it again." And then you resolve within yourself to hang up if he does, but you don't tell him that. "Oh you know me!" "Do not mention it again," round and round we go until he gets the picture or you're ready to hang up. There's no excuse for his behavior. There's no reason you should have to put up with his diatribe or spleen.

[p123]

Not wishing to stir up a political storm. (I know what happened when someone dared suggest that the POTUS might well be PD. Outrageous. ) but p123, can i ask . Did your father vote LEAVE perchance?  Ha Ha.

Mine believe it or not is quite a liberal/socialist which makes his selfishness so hypocritical. He voted REMAIN.

I now know why he had an irrational hatred and loathed the Royal Family all his life. They have a life of entitlement. A life he so clearly wishes he could have had deep down, so he projects these uncomfortable feelings he has onto them.  He looks at them and sees himself but cant acknowledge it. All part of the PD make up. Projective Identification.

Deffo LEAVE. His reason - "get all these foreigners out". Like I said he lives South Wales valleys - hardly a multi-cultural environment if I'm honest.....

[p123]

"It's in the Bible"

When I hear that I have to fight hard to resist the urge to argue. *sigh* I could point to powerful statements that pretty much entirely counter the mindset that the Bible allows anyone to be hateful/bigoted. But... this is ultimately what the PD wants, and I refuse to give it to them. In your shoes, I would state a boundary instead.

"Dad, I don't agree with your view. Do not mention it again." And then you resolve within yourself to hang up if he does, but you don't tell him that. "Oh you know me!" "Do not mention it again," round and round we go until he gets the picture or you're ready to hang up. There's no excuse for his behavior. There's no reason you should have to put up with his diatribe or spleen.

Oh yes the Bible gets rolled out especially for the gay thing. I've given up with him now.

I now refuse to go to hospital appointments with him (or at least go in to see the doctor) because of his behaviour... He can't understand why...