My PTSD + DH's fleas = NIGHTMARE!

[EntWife]

Back-story: I dated a guy who admitted he'd been diagnosed with ASPD. I didn't notice any indications of multiple personalities (what I naively thought PDs were) so I didn't think much of it....then he cheated on me twice. After I broke up with him he stalked me for 4 years. 2 of my friends told me he'd raped them (bringing the total of women I've heard accuse him of rape to 5). I finally went to the cops when he posted photos all over social media of my name carved into one of his assault rifles.

When I started dating my husband he was the complete opposite of my ex - he was one of the most compassionate people I'd ever met. He saw the best in everyone, worked hard, and was full of support and wisdom. That was how he was for 6 years until he got promoted to VP of a company owned by a guy I'm convinced is a complete psychopath.

This psychopath would look for excuses to fire anyone who didn't steal, frequent strip clubs, or do his drugs with him. The stories I've heard about him from various sources include that he enjoys firing people (and will smile wider the more the person cries) and that he engineers uncomfortable situations because he's entertained by others' discomfort.

While my husband was this guy's right-hand-man he was tasked with doing all the guy's work for him while UNdoing all the guy's financial decisions, which had the company on the verge of bankruptcy.

The part that's the most problematic is that my husband started acting like this guy! (Fleas!)  In the 6 years we were together before he started working for the jerk I would have NEVER imagined him acting like that. Neither would his long-time friends, many of whom either communicated discomfort around my husband's behavior or stopped talking to him because of it.

DH left that job 18 months ago. He stopped doing unpaid work for the psychopath a couple months ago. He's starting to get back to his old self and "come out of a fog" (as he so appropriately describes it).

The problem is that even though I see positive changes in my DH and I'm working hard to remind myself he's NOT like my ASPD ex, I'm really struggling to trust him again. I really miss feeling like I have a partner who I relate to and who has my back.

We've been seeing a therapist together for almost a year now. My DH is definitely doing better because of it...and I was feeling better, then I had a MAJOR set-back this week. I'm feeling absolutely exhausted from all the work I've done on my PTSD from being stalked (which I finally stopped avoiding less than a year ago) on top of all that I've gone through with my DH. So I've decided to stop seeing the T with him, while encouraging him to go on his own. I'm too exhausted to help him with the work he needs to do, even if it means our relationship fails without my help.

I really envy couples who have normal non-PD-trauma problems!!!!

[1footouttadefog]

Whether or not you are both working on your own stuff or together, there is not a guarantee a relationship can survive what you went through together or individually.

Or stated differently getting t help and staying together may be separate issues.

Work on your stuff so you can be as healthy and strong as possible to determine the rest.

Sounds like some trust issues that will need time to be sure about anyway.  I hope you find clarity about it all.