Highs and lows, emotions. Healing or something more?

Started by CoffeeCup2, August 03, 2019, 08:26:27 AM

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CoffeeCup2

I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything, but I just want to know if this is a normal part of healing, or something more.

I find I ride highs and lows. There's days when I'm super happy, light on my feet and airy. Other days, I'm just miserable, angry, irritable etc. I'll be emotional all of a sudden. I won't want to socialize with anyone.

I've been looking up symptoms of depression, and a lot of my symptoms fit. But, a lot of what's happening also fit what typically happens during healing from trauma and abuse.

I don't know. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Whiteheron

I'm going through the same thing. Some days everything is great, and other days I'm close to tears. I think I was depressed over the winter and into spring (SADD is a thing here b/c it's so darn cloudy in the winter). I've mostly felt better this summer, but I do get more of the waves. I'm just assuming I still need time to process and heal. I'm still not done dealing with stbx, so I know that is a huge contributing factor. I hope things get better once the divorce is finalized. Last night, one of my friends asked "what if they don't? what if they get worse?" I did not have an answer to that one, but those questions have been in the back of my mind.

I have no real advice, since I'm trying to wade through this myself. Just know you're not alone!
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

CoffeeCup2

Quote from: Whiteheron on August 03, 2019, 01:37:22 PM
I'm going through the same thing. Some days everything is great, and other days I'm close to tears. I think I was depressed over the winter and into spring (SADD is a thing here b/c it's so darn cloudy in the winter). I've mostly felt better this summer, but I do get more of the waves. I'm just assuming I still need time to process and heal. I'm still not done dealing with stbx, so I know that is a huge contributing factor. I hope things get better once the divorce is finalized. Last night, one of my friends asked "what if they don't? what if they get worse?" I did not have an answer to that one, but those questions have been in the back of my mind.

I have no real advice, since I'm trying to wade through this myself. Just know you're not alone!

Thank you so much, it does help to know I'm not the only one :)

I guess it's just day by day.

I think what frustrates me the most is uNPDx has been out of the picture for a while now, but it's like this subconscious programming pops up without me having any control.

I have everything I could ever hoped and dreamed for. Perfect job, beautiful home, wonderful friends. Freedom. Health. Yet, I'm miserable every now and then.

Andeza

It's okay to be unhappy every now and then. I have bad days too, and other days when I'm better than ever. I think the point at which it becomes a concern is when the bad outnumber or compete with the good, and at that point it would be healthy to talk to someone who is in a position to really help.

Don't feel like you ought to be happy all the time because the things around you are good. The things around you aren't, well, you. My FOC is generally very happy, which is great for them. I don't have to worry about working right now, which is great. But I still have days when I roll out of bed and just feel like a grump/sad/disappointed.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

athene1399

I rapidly cycle through emotions, but it's more from the emotional abuse and neglect I experienced as a child. I think when I heal more it will get better. At first I healed from my emotionally abusive ex's, now I'm working on childhood stuff.

I also think that remaining mindful helps me to not let my emotions control my behaviors. I have trouble with that. I also think the emotions can tell me if I am pushing something down and ignoring something that I need to address. Then I try to figure out what my trigger was to find out what I need. If it's something I cannot control, then I work on radical acceptance. If I'm just sad or overwhelmed then I do some me time or relax for a bit.

For me, my depression got better when I learned to accept myself. I still have some minor symptoms crop up, but it's nothing like it was. It was a part of the healing process for me.

FtheFOG

Coffee - Thanks for sharing. I think we may be in a similar boat. After my uNPDx moved out, I initially felt relief and peace, but now I'm struggling with what I think is grief. It seems that I pushed down nearly all emotion (except anger) during my marriage, as being transparent with my feelings would be used against me or taken as weakness; now that I'm divorced, I'm having to grieve a huge collection of things that I couldn't previously. Some of these things were related to the marriage, but others were not (e.g., father's death). The waves of grief seem to be fewer and fewer and further between, but I've been hit with them almost continuously for the past 2-3 months; that's a lot of grieving, and I'm struggling to move forward and reclaim the happier me. I've decided that several decades of trauma cannot be erased in a few months, and that I've got to be more patient with myself. Hopefully this time next year things will be much better for both of us! Hang in there and God bless you.

bohemian butterfly

Coffeecup2,

Yes, I also share your concern (highs and lows)

Perhaps it's residual trauma, the stress response?  Sort of like an echo of times past.  I remember thinking I had Bipolar 2, but when I told the doc I had ultra ultra ultra cycling (like many changes throughout the day) he sort of scratched his head (but still wrote a script for meds for Bipolar 2) :stars:

DBT helped a lot.  I had fleas (uBPDm).  It was a year long program and it was worth the time and financial investment.

Today I had like 10 different mood swings (last night I met up with ex for a "closure" break up talk, which was a disaster). 

Crying definitely helped.  Thankfully one of my coworkers (who barges into my office on a weekly basis, crying and venting) agreed to lend me her ear this afternoon; she said that she owed me.

So for 5-10 minutes I cried and talked. 

After that cry, my moods stabilized.   All it needed was expression.

Although I'm thankful you posted this, I'm sorry you are going through this.  Sending you love!