Today is my son's 1st birthday

[35andnewlife]

My son turns one today and I am so happy for him but so sad that its just us. My parents sent a gift like nothing was wrong, but I have blocked all of them on my phone for almost a month now after NM just went after me and keep pushing and pushing via text. I had had enough when she demanded more and more attention while I have two young kids and a full time job.

I have felt the FOG a lot today. I feel like I should send them a text thanking for the present, a picture of my son but the logical side says...why? This last month has been calm and I feel more present, happier, like I am a better mom myself, and like I finally turned off the noise from them, and inside my head.

I wish my son had family around for today but we have heard from no extended family (because NM smears me) and its very lonely. I just cannot fake it anymore and I got tired of the abuse.

If anyone else has been through this, I feel you. It's sad, lonely, but also liberating and calm. Here's to all of us doing what is best for ourselves and our own families.

[PeanutButter]

I wish I had realized sooner. Good job on protecting your little ones. I know how sad it feels but the little ones are not sad. No the grandparents arnt there for the birthday, but not having grandparents is better for them than having toxic grandparents IMO. IME the biology of the people in your childrens lives does not matter. The quantity of people in your childrens lives does not matter. What matters is that the people surrounding you and yours be loving, kind, and supportive.

[MamaDryad]

Happy birthday to your son! My August baby will be 3 this year, and he's met my mother twice, both before he was three months old. And for all the noise she makes about how cruel I am for keeping her from "her grandson," she didn't seem very impressed or interested either time.

You're doing the right thing. I know it's hard and sad, especially when you think about what it *should* be like, but you're modeling healthy boundaries and keeping him safe from people who would hurt and confuse him. I'm sorry you didn't get the parents you deserved, but you're breaking the cycle.

I hope you have a great day with your kids.

[SerenityCat]

Liberating and calm is a great thing to choose.

In my own experience, I chose to create family with just myself and my son and eventual friends. My family of origin consisted of seriously dysfunctional people who it was much better to not be around.

So a birthday might have been just myself and my son. I figured out ways to make that family also. Much better than coping with abuse. I see it as breaking the family chains of abuse. My son and I celebrated the fact that we were free and on an adventure towards health.

For myself, I would get depressed over media depictions of "family". I could not replicate that. I did not have access to movie/greeting card perfection. Finally I was able to shake those old beliefs and stop comparing myself to the supposed ideal.

Happy birthday to your son and also to yourself as his mama. 

[A day in September]

Happy birthday to your son, hope you had a nice day despite the moments of sadness... I've been there, and I am still there at times, the loneliness that comes with NC is tough, especially during festivities, anniversaries and milestones... but I truly believe that our children are better off without their dysfunctional grandparents and that we're lucky that we managed to made the decision of going no contact when they were so little... we have spared them so much pain!

[spring13]

Happy belated birthday to your son!

It is very hard when people who should be in our lives can't be because they won't stop abusing us. I finally put my foot down (with boundaries) when I was expecting my daughter. It didn't go well with uNPD/BPD m and so she has really not been in my daughter's life.

We have to protect our kids. It is sad, but honestly over the years I have found that my friends (chosen family) have been just as loving to my kids and important in their lives as any extended family member and in some cases, much more so.