This is my first post here. I’m stuck and don’t where to turn.
To give context, I will include some background info.
In 2011, I began to have multiple health issues, primarily autoimmune that affected my eyes and resulted in 6 six surgeries. Prior to those issues and the downturn in the economy I was the primary breadwinner for my small family. During that time, I defaulted to being a stay at home dad to our wonderful son. It was a gift, to raise our boy and it brought such meaning and motivation to persevere. Meanwhile, my now ex-wife pursued her nursing background and I managed most other things.
Though I deeply loved my wife and would have done anything for her, I always felt that something was off. The only way I can explain it concisely is that she was chameleon like.
Fast forward to 2016… Health problems seem to have stabilized; our son is now eight. We decided to move from the city to a very small mountain town. Better schools for him, a good new job for her in nursing and I would rebuild the once thriving Real Estate business I once had. I knew it would take time and that was discussed, and I thought understood.
Within four months of moving here, my wife starts acting very, very distant. Short tempered spending more time on her phone and something was more off than usual. One month later, our lives would be forever changed.
On Christmas eve, we got into an argument. She was unrelenting following me around the house antagonizing. Shoving me and would not stop. In a moment of frustration, I shoved her back. I had never laid a finger on lady in my life. There had been three times in our 14-yr. relationship that the same respect was not paid to me. In most people’s eyes and mine included, we were a very good couple dealing with the stresses of life.
On that evening, after the shoves I went to our bedroom and locked the door. She repeatedly, kept on trying to come in. I sat down and calmed myself and tried to center, what was happening? Eventually, the house grew quiet and I came out, checked on our son who was about asleep in his bedroom and assured him that mom and dad a disagreement and that everything would be okay. Get some good rest, because Santa was coming. I went back to our bedroom and started reading with the door closed. I assumed my wife went out for some air and was centering herself too.
About twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the bedroom door again… This time is was the Sheriff department and I was arrested for DV and dragged out of the house In front of my now awake crying son. Never to return to our home.
It was like evil had taken over. She filed for an ex-parte restraining order and in that moment, I was homeless in a small town where I knew nobody. Bank accounts cleared or frozen. I was painted black in a moment. I was now being accused of being a violent person, an alcoholic, refusing to work…. This list went on and on, was disgusting and mind blowing. This order also prevented me from contacting or seeing our son while I slept in my car nightly and prayed for us all.
It has never stopped. I was able to get the restraining order and DV charges dropped but it took almost a year. I borrowed and begged and did everything I could to get myself back to our boy.
Because of the lies and being labeled there were very dark days and still are. I eventually petitioned the court for a GAL for our son. It was an 8-month process of investigation after investigation. It was revealed that it was clear, the character assassinations were false and a report was issued documenting this. It gave me leverage to finally have her settle out of court for 50/50 custody. God bless that GAL, her 30 yrs. of therapy background, her diligence in looking deeply.
You would think it would end there, but it hasn’t stopped.
My now ex-wife makes a very good living in health care in this tiny town and I have been kept off balance ever since. Constant, court abuse, she’s on her third attorney and I can’t afford one any longer. I haven’t had health insurance in 3 yrs. and that is pretty concerning to me given my prior health issues.
This little town in a tourist destination and very hard to make a living wage in. My son and I are very close. I put on a smile and have provided for him week on/week off for the past 2 yrs.
He’s 11 now, very smart, kind and full of love. I feel so horribly for him that he must experience this.
I feel that I must go away to heal from this and to save myself or I’m not going to make it. I just can’t bring myself to do it. How can I leave him with such a manipulative person? I don’t believe that she will ever stop, its pure scorched earth. The wife I loved with everything in my being was a complete fraud and seems hell bent on destruction.
I am stuck and greatly could use some advice or sharing of experiences with something like this I don’t have any family and really nowhere to go. I don’t want to end up not available for my son as he comes of age and I don’t want to leave him here with her, to be damaged on a full-time basis. It’s come to a point of self-survival going up against my paternal instincts. It’s taken it’s toll and I don’t know where to turn.
Thanks for listening.
