Revealing abuse

[me01t]

Is it ever worth trying to reveal to the people you have been manipulated against and vice vera what has happened if they are since very close with the abuser and don't realise what has actually happened?

[clara]

As long as they're still enmeshed with the PD, it's not likely they'll accept statements against the PD.  At that moment, the PD has more control than you do.  Revealing what happened might make you feel better, but don't expect a receptive audience.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't express what you feel.  In trying to move forward, it often helps to make your statement, then let the other person go from there.  If they don't believe you or don't accept what you've said, there's not much you can do.  But what you've done is put the truth out there, and perhaps in future when the others who are involved with the PD start their own process of disengaging, they'll recall what you said and it may help them make sense of the situation.  PDs thrive in silence and depend on it and will work to maintain it in order to keep control.  Facts can and do speak for themselves, however.  You don't have to say or reveal too much in order to get your information across.  From there, the truth often reveals itself in time. 

The best example of this process I observed was in a work situation, with a narc co-worker.  Over the years, she managed to abuse too many people, engaged in too many triangulations, lied too many times about her own culpability in situations she'd caused, for those involved with her to keep the truth about her much of a secret.  Those who couldn't believe she'd acted the ways she did soon came to see the truth for themselves, and after a number of years she became isolated (since no one wanted to engage with her let alone work with her unless absolutely necessary) and quit her job.  Her house of cards came tumbling down once her victims and flying monkeys started talking to one another.  I hope this is of some help!

[Hazy111]

 

Be very careful to who and what you reveal. It can backfire. Dont assume they will concur with you. They might eventually, but maybe not.

[KeepingMyBlue]

I finally decided that these type things have to be seen, not told. All the people close to her either know and accept her bad behavior, or will leave her alone too. My family split that way over more than one person.

We are here to listen/read whenever you need tho.

[Sydney16]

What happened to me is that I went to a former victim of one of the people who abused me only to find out that she had a pd too. Not that she cant be a victim too but I bonded with this one particular person over another and it wasnt a great way to begin a friendship and now I have to deal with her hovering as well. The other one moved out only for me to begin again with someone with a pd too.