Does GC sibling decline invitations to remain available for friends instead?

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I am no contact with my GC sister for one year, but continue to reflect back on her behaviors that did not make sense when they occurred but now I think I see exactly what she was doing. Many times in the last several years, I would ask my GC older sister to go out for lunch or dinner and movie and she would tell me no because she wanted to keep her calendar open in case some of the people from her golf club or neighborhood wanted to make plans with her instead. I think she thought these people had a higher ranking social status and could do something for her that her own family could not. This was not just when making plans with me, but she also did that with our parents. When our mom had her 70th birthday I wanted us all to go to dinner, but my sister said no because she wanted to make plans with a friend that weekend instead. I was gobsmacked at her blatant disregard for the feelings of family and her own mother on a milestone birthday. I was further shocked that our parents did not seem to take any offense to it. Nothing my GC sister ever did was wrong in our parent's eyes, even though I find it appalling. Of course I took our mom out and celebrated her birthday on my own, but even so, it seemed like our mom did not really consider it an official celebration since GC sister was not there.   
Wondering if anyone else has seen similar behavior with a sibling? Is this behavior typical of a narcissistic GC sibling?  Thanks.

[athene1399]

My sister just has fleas, but yes. if I don't go to a family function because I have something else going on it's the end of the world. if she doesn't go because she can't be bothered, my parents are ok with it. Like my cousin came in from out of state and we see her only once or twice a year. There was a family gathering and sis didn't go. My parents were totally cool with it (my cousin was pissed, so I just told her I didn't know why sis didn't show when I knew it was just because she didn't fee like it). If I don't do anything because I have other plans and they tell me last minute (like dinner at my parents), sis makes a big deal out of it. "I can't believe you didn't go. You never come. You couldn't spare us a few hours. It was just dinner..."

And if I invite them and no one shows, no one cares. Like I had a recital and invited everyone. My parents made plan after they heard about my recital and sis just didn't show. Only SO came and he was mad no one else showed up. I was like "this is just how it is".  If I did this to any of them, they would be mad (with the exception of my dad).

[candy]

I have a similar story to add about my GC-sibling:

GC-BPDSib was hospitalized due to a surgery and our M asked if she could come visit. It is a one and half an hour drive. GC-Sib told her she should not come as GC-Sib's calendar was full of visitors ,,from the area" (where Sib lives).
M calls me and is very upset about how Sib behaved. Did she tell Sib directly? No.

One day later B(2)NPDF spontaneously jumps into his car and visits GC-Sib.
Does F ask M to come along? No. Is M hurt? Of course. Does she tell F or Sib? No. Does she tell me? Yes, she does.

GCSib is behaving rude and cruel without necessity towards M but nobody addresses this. It would be very different if this was me or my other sibling.

[StayWithMe]

It's easy to turn invitations into a battleground .... whether extending them or accepting them or vice versa......

My mother had  habit of telling me about family plans at the last minute like early evening for dinner that same day.......  I had the choice then of missing out on family plans or being rude to my friends.  Fortunately, I had friends who did not put up with this and I learned that even when it involves your family, changing plans at the last minute is anti-social .........

So I started turning down my family and they learned.  I did try having that open honest dialogue stuff but I learned the hard way that that does not change things one bit.

yes, I believe that my mother was doing this to me on purpose.

Blueberry, you need to become deaf when dealing with your family.  Accept the invitation when it is extended in a civil way (not last minute or in any way insulting........), and don't accept it when you have better things to do.  It's best to show people that youhave better things to do than to say it.

[athene1399]

My mother had  habit of telling me about family plans at the last minute like early evening for dinner that same day.......  I had the choice then of missing out on family plans or being rude to my friends.  Fortunately, I had friends who did not put up with this and I learned that even when it involves your family, changing plans at the last minute is anti-social .........

We're dealing with this with my SD. She'll make plans with SO and I (she's been staying with BM), but then last minute BM tells SD she has plans to visit family nearby so SD cancels with us. I'm not sure if I should tell her how rude this is.

One day later B(2)NPDF spontaneously jumps into his car and visits GC-Sib.
Does F ask M to come along? No. Is M hurt? Of course. Does she tell F or Sib? No. Does she tell me? Yes, she does.

And instead of telling those who upset her, M tells you. I feel this is like triangulation (but could be wrong).

I also feel the GC sibling adds an interesting dynamic as they can generally do no wrong.

And Blueberry, I never answered your question

Is this behavior typical of a narcissistic GC sibling?

If she's not committing to plans with you for the chance she may be invited with the "higher ranking people", that sounds like an NPD-type behavior to me. If that's the only behavior, it's may not be NPD, but if she is diagnosed NPD that's a part of it IMO. She wants to "rub elbows" with those who are worthy, or better, or higher status, or more important. I feel it's a part of her feeling of being grandiose that she only want to associate with others that "are of the same caliber".  But that's just my opinion.

[StayWithMe]

I'm not sure if I should tell her how rude this is.

You don't have to tell her she is rude.  Learn to talk with your behavior.

[BreakAway]

My GC sis is similar. She will initially accept and then bow out because her life "is just so hectic." Everyone is supposed to accommodate because she has "so much on her plate." In actuality, it is no more than anyone else except that she does have a lot of "social" stuff and friends are always more important.

Even when we lived in the area, she was always like that and when her kids were too old for her to need help (a.k.a free babysitting) I never saw her outside of family events. It was clear that seeing her sister was not high on her list. And now with us living many states away for the last 12 years, that has still been the case. She is "so busy" but manages to travel to visit others, just not us. The last time I tried to get together with her when visiting there, she agreed to a lunch out with me and then kept changing the time/date. I was over-accommodating (cause that's what us scapegoats do) and finally ended up helping her pack kitchen stuff for her impending move. Yes, she was moving and that is big project, but she was able to make tennis dates and other social things that week. That was the last time I will ever make the effort. I'm just not interested any more.

[StayWithMe]

She will initially accept and then bow out because her life "is just so hectic."

I HAD a friend like that.  I guess she was double booking.  I stopped responding to her invitations.