Charting a Course Out of the FOG

[SandorS@DEyes]

Hi all, 

  First I just want to express my deep gratitude for the book and for the people here who are sharing their pain, their hope, their stories; as a man "abuse" has always been a physical word to me and I never expected how difficult it would be to explain to others that I've suffered narcissistic/emotional abuse in my 9 year marriage.  I have a new appreciation for the courage required for anyone, regardless of gender, to share their experience. 
  "Out of the FOG" offered a much-needed reality check for me and really helped me form the conviction to finally file for divorce.  It also has helped me realize that I need to do some serious personal work to both heal from this situation and be in a good place so as to not find myself right back where I came from.  Looking forward to interacting more on the forum.

[treesgrowslowly]

Hello and welcome!

I love your title "charting a course Out of the FOG". There are a lot of folks here who share their stories about setting course and building a new relationship with themselves. It sounds like it is going to be a good fit for you with charting your new course!

I am sorry to hear that divorce is a part of this for you. That is tough. Again, many folks here who can relate and provide supportive words.

PDs affect men and women, people of all genders, and abuse can happen to anyone and I'm glad you mentioned your thoughts about how hidden the realities of abuse can be when it happens to men. Each person who comes Out of the FOG is taking such an important step.

Welcome and thank you for sharing what you did in your first post!

Trees

[SandorS@DEyes]

Thanks Trees.  I wish divorce wasn't the outcome; we have 3 awesome kids and another on the way.  After realizing she checks every box for OCPD I was pretty sure I would file.  My therapist asked me some tough questions and I realized I've just been too damaged by her behavior to stay.  I hope she gets help because I know she's a deeply unhappy person, but I have to get out.  For my sanity and for my kids.  Its been the single most difficult decision I've ever had to commit to.  Just because its the right choice doesn't mean it isn't painful.

[treesgrowslowly]

That is well said, the right choice can still be a very painful one for sure.

As you have probably seen when looking through the site, there are forums for different topics, one relating to separation and others for parenting. When or if you would like to post there you'll see recent conversations with others who have navigated these waters while also parenting.

It is not an easy decision you've had to make. It sounds like your therapist helped you as you worked to arrive at the decision to divorce. Therapy can be really helpful in giving us the space to think about the tough questions and decisions we face if a loved one has a PD. I hope this site and the forums are helpful. Again, welcome.