Stepping out of the fear, ending no contact

[Spirit in the sky]

I know I must be mad to even consider the idea of ending no contact.

I don't actually have 'no contact' because I have spoken to NMIL throughout the time my hubby has been ignoring her. And really this is where I'm at right now, he's not setting boundaries and standing up for himself, he's hiding. I chose to at least try and call her out on her behaviour and even though she refuses to take responsibility I refused to let her pass the blame. I'll honestly admit I was terrified of the woman and I also wanted to hide and pray she'd go way, but knew that wasn't an option.

It was only when I found my self respect and said enough is enough and when she ignored my boundaries I finally insisted she didn't contact me. I reaffirmed this when she confronted me in the supermarket. This has been 8 months of self discovery and healing for me and once I faced the fear it didn't seem so terrifying, annoying and infuriating yes but Narcissists only pray on weak people and I refused to be weak.

I'll hold my hands up and say I encouraged  my hubby to hide, maybe because I though he'd give in if he spoke to his mother or maybe because I couldn't face a confrontation. I know he's healing, it took this time away from her to find himself and break the enmeshment. I'm not saying I think he should speak to her and I'm not making any suggestions to him, but I am relinquishing my 'control' of the situation energically.

I'm taking another step back and freeing myself from the fear of 'whatever they need to do'. I've never actually said to my hubby you should never speak to you mother again but I've felt it deep in my soul. We are both healing on difficult levels and I can finally accept whatever he decides to do, whatout allowing my fear to be an instant response.

Not sure if any of this makes sense, but I'm surrending completely and trusting the process.

[all4peace]

Spirit, your post is incredible! I see it as healthy on so many levels--you're facing your own fears, you're willing to reevaluate the situation over time, to reconsider your views and stances and change as necessary. You're stepping away from your DH's part of the journey and trusting him to find his way. I think that's fantastic. For myself, when I've had significant fear, I've also had a big need to try to control. For me, as the fear loosened its grip, my need to control also diminished. Yay, you! You've done some hard work!

[bloomie]

Spirit in the Sky... this sounds like freedom and a FOG-less and peaceful acceptance of what you cannot change, changing what you can and having the wisdom to know the difference. What a great update this is.