material things and gifts to strangers / others but not to family scapegoat

[scapegoat/caregiver]

Did anyone ever run across gift giving odd behavior?

Like they give you a gift then tell you .. "You are not using it so they want it back"  or say
I have found someone to buy it so they want it back?

Or they find out someone else in the family has given something to you.... and they say "well, I am her exec in her will and you have to give it to me"
....another day I was stupid I actually gave it back... to my NARC F who had my NARC M help...they work together as a team

Also promise something to you and then give it to someone else in front of you.... this happened to my son when he was about 8 years old.
my NARC m gave him a book then when my NARC GC sis came with HER son, my narc mom took it away from my son and gave it to hers??
I was SOOOOO stupid I just sat there. could not believe it... then realized I had been treated that way all my life.

Or offer things... to help you or give you something...then when you say yes.... angry... stings attached..excuses.

[StayWithMe]

My mother gives me hand me downs and items she can't be bothered to take back to the store for a refund.  then she has nerve to tell me how to where the items.  When I visit her, she expects me to wear them.  I'm in my 50s.

[WomanInterrupted]

DH's GM gave us a lot of antique ornaments for our Christmas ree.  UnNPD MIL walked in and immediately started taking ornaments off, saying, "These are supposed to be MINE!  She had no right to give them to you!"

After she had about half a dozen, her unBPD DH (SFIL) told her she had enough - and she knew not to cross him (or else!)    .  But I'm glad somebody SAID something, because DH and I just stood there, watching like, "WTF is this!?!?"   

UnNPD MIL was big on buying gifts she knew were too big or too small - first, she gets the obvious dig at our weights by saying, "I thought you'd be bigger/smaller than that!" - AND only *she* could take the gift back.  She'd never provide a receipt.

She'd take the gift back, say they didn't have anything in either or our sizes, then claim we owed her $5 for gas, on top of everything.  (Which we never paid.)

Congratulations!  You have just been UNgifted by unNPD MIL.   

Eventually, we just started taking everything and giving  it to people who knew they were receiving unwanted Christmas presents.   

MIL was big on trying to take gifts away from us - that DH and I bought each other - by saying we weren't ALLOWED to have the items.  These were run-of-the mill items, and not lingerie or adult toys!    (And even if they were, what gives HER the right to decide FOR us!?)

"You can't have that!  You're not ALLOWED to have a waterbed!"

Um...the landlord okayed it.  But that wasn't good enough - she DEMANDED we get rid of it, and to shut her up, we said we would, then just never did, and always kept the bedroom door shut when she came over.  (It was a small apartment.  The bathroom was off the kitchen and the bedroom was on the opposite side of the kitchen, down a short hall.  We would have caught her snooping, easily.)

UnBPD Didi was different - she'd try to offload her old clothes on me, and for a while, I stupidly went along, only to hear that I wasn't wearing them when I visited.   

Then I started dropping them at Goodwill on the way home, because her tastes and mine really don't match.

Again she'd gripe  I wasn't wearing her nice clothes. 

Finally, I started saying, "No thank you..." - and she'd have a FIT, trying to talk me into taking things I don't want.  She'd whine, wheedle, ORDER me to take them, and I'd stick with, "No thank you.  I'm good." 

"Well, what the hell am I  supposed to do with them?" she'd demand.

I'd shrug.  "Donate them.  There's Goodwill drop-offs everywhere.  There might even be one by the market unNPD Ray does his shopping."

I knew for a fact there was, because that's where I'd dump the stuff before I started telling her no! 

I made the mistake of wearing a sweater she'd given me, in public, once - and Didi couldn't stop telling everybody -total strangers - that I HAD to wear her hand-me-downs, as a means to embarrass and shame me.   

And these people wonder why we lower contact or go NC...

[Phoenix Rising]

Hmm, NPDgran never really gave gifts..  Oh wait actually once, shortly after I gave birth, she gave me her girdle.. after she told me that I was looking fat and the girdle will help me "lose weight". I took it to avoid conflict but after some time she actually asked for it back 

More recently she first tried to make a loan out of my father's money when he died then when I called to get it, she told me that she was making me a gift.. All of this was so I could attend my dad's funeral.  In typical families, this wouldn't have been an issue or afterthought. Sigh