Hi and thank you

[Jorainbow]

 I'm currently going somewhat dazed and confused as to who I am dealing with in my husband but am thankful my searching brought me here. Two counsellors (one single one as a couple ) told me he is narcissistic though not in the classic term. What I do know is I'm now second guessing me as he is absolutely sure I am the one with the problem! All I know is last week I was on a lovely holiday and right now he's downstairs after 24hrs of ignoring me following a row over driving, escalating in me saying something I immediately regretted and tried to apologise for but wasn't allowed, and him staying out til 3am all over another woman in a pub. And I'm somehow left feeling I'm the problem. I'm hoping I will get some advice and knowledge to try make sense of this madness! Thank you.

[SerenityCat]

Welcome!

There are lots of good ideas in the Toolbox https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro - I regularly visit and find new inspiration for how to cope with my own dysfunctional family.

I believe that you find lots of empathy, compassion, and shared wisdom here on the forum.

[PeanutButter]

I'm currently going somewhat dazed and confused as to who I am dealing with in my husband but am thankful my searching brought me here. Two counsellors (one single one as a couple ) told me he is narcissistic though not in the classic term. What I do know is I'm now second guessing me as he is absolutely sure I am the one with the problem! All I know is last week I was on a lovely holiday and right now he's downstairs after 24hrs of ignoring me following a row over driving, escalating in me saying something I immediately regretted and tried to apologise for but wasn't allowed, and him staying out til 3am all over another woman in a pub. And I'm somehow left feeling I'm the problem. I'm hoping I will get some advice and knowledge to try make sense of this madness! Thank you.

Hi jorainbow. Welcome. I am so glad you found us. Im sorry that you are going through such a painful situation! I dont comment alot yet, Im new to this community too. But your story reminded me of my own. I want to share part of my experience with you so you KNOW that it is not you that is the problem and you are not causing your h actions.
My uNPDxh very slowly and insidiously convinced me that the only problem in our relationship was me and that I was crazy. This included that I was solely responsible for him cheating on me when he had to teach me a lesson and/or punish me for my sins and/or mistakes  The worst part was that i came to believe his reality. (I was very confused) The truth was that I was being reactive to his verbal manipulations and baiting of me (which is what he wanted). He used these opportunities as excuses to do what he already wanted to do.
I had thoroughly convinced myself that I knew who he was, when in fact I was ignoring who he was showing me he really was so that I could continue to believe he was the husband/partner I had created him to be in my mind.
IME you need to give yourself compassion and care. The tool box, list of traits, and what not to do helped me with identifying and naming what was actually happening. This is an important step IME because our confusion is advantageous to them.
You did not cause your h to do this. You do NOT deserve to be treated this way. EVERYONE at one time or another says something in anger that they didnt really mean.IMO  You immediately regretted it and apologised. IMO even if he didnt accept your apology, that would have absolutely nothing to do with his behavior later and is definately not an excuse for it or an explanation for why he did it.
I am sending you strength and love.