That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day

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p123

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That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« on: August 12, 2019, 10:05:14 AM »
Two words "DAD CALLED"

No explanation, no message, he knows I'm in work. It can only mean one  thing - DRAMA.
No message usually means its not that important.

My brother has a habit of doing this. When I was away the other weekend (and I'd told Dad I couldnt call him - it was a music festival middle of nowhere, no phone charger, no signal). I get 5 messages off brother "phone dad". Each one I reply "Whats up?". I've discovered with them both no message means no issue from me, they just want me to run around and call.

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2019, 12:12:26 PM »
Two words "DAD CALLED"

No explanation, no message, he knows I'm in work. It can only mean one  thing - DRAMA.
No message usually means its not that important.

My brother has a habit of doing this. When I was away the other weekend (and I'd told Dad I couldnt call him - it was a music festival middle of nowhere, no phone charger, no signal). I get 5 messages off brother "phone dad". Each one I reply "Whats up?". I've discovered with them both no message means no issue from me, they just want me to run around and call.

Ah. the old "sat TV not working correctly" call. Its the end of the world.....

Now I don't mind helping but hes quite capable of phoning them himself. It was 1pm and he said he'd phone me at 5pm. So its been decided I have 4 hours to do this during my working day.

As it is, I checked online and found the problem he described. Service visit required. £60 cost. Can GUARANTEE the thought of spending money will kill that one stone dead. He'll just watch the half of the channels that work.

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2019, 12:28:24 PM »
I get 5 messages off brother "phone dad". Each one I reply "Whats up?".

I would reply to brother each time, "what are you, his keeper? You call him and take care of it" How dare your brother boss you around in this way!

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2019, 01:48:25 PM »
I get 5 messages off brother "phone dad". Each one I reply "Whats up?".

I would reply to brother each time, "what are you, his keeper? You call him and take care of it" How dare your brother boss you around in this way!

Yes this was an incident a few weeks ago. I'd had it before and told Dad - Do not rope brother in it causes arguments. So  we went away, and it happened again. Dad swears blind he did not ask brother to contact me this time. Yeh right.

This escalated with brother sending fbook messages to my wife also telling her how worried Dad was and it would just be one phone call, and we were both selfish for not caring about him. Yes really. Went down well NOT.

Like I said, we were actually at glastonbury music festival. Rural location, no phone charge, poor signal. All it was what Dad had a letter from his electricity company saying his payment was overdue. I was just a bit of a mix up that I sorted in 10 mins on the monday when I got back. What on earth I was going to do on at the weekend, sat in the middle of a field I'll never know... And why can't brother sort?

Apparently, if "Dad is worried" we need to reassure him 24/7 whatever the reason. I dont think so.

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moglow

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2019, 02:20:01 PM »
I used to get these - Preface: All mother's calls go straight to voicemail. Her cell is blocked because she abused the privilege; she'd get wound up and send a barrage of abusive texts and refuse to actually talk to me. She'd rather pound away and get it out of her system, all the while complaining that I need to explain this to her. Endless circular bs of her own making.

I couldn't turn off the notifier since I use my phone for work. I tried talking to her about this several times, finally snapped and decided I'd rather bypass those messages altogether. She's not at all happy about my choice but there ya go.

That said, mine also called during the workday, every time. My work schedule has been the same for at least 10yrs, yet she'd claim she couldnt keep up with my schedule. Granted she may lose track of the day, but really - repeatedly call me at 10am or 230pm in the middle of the week, never on a weekend, never late than 3pm? She knows what she's doing. I can't, don't and won't take personal calls during the workday and she knows this too.

No, really. You're at work. You never ever want to call them from work because WORK. 99% of it can keep. I'd suggest any text response be "I'm at work. If it's an emergency you need to call 911. Otherwise I'll have to talk to you later." Maybe set up an autoresponder just for his number so you don't have to keep repeating yourself. May want to do same for your brother. Then call or not at your leisure.  :bigwink:
 
« Last Edit: August 12, 2019, 02:36:02 PM by moglow »
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Fiasco

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2019, 03:33:48 PM »
Obviously your various family members arenít going to act like adults (or even competent children) so Iím afraid itís on you to stop the drama. Start blocking more numbers. If you feel uncomfortable with no way to contact you pick one thatís the least disruptive. And why in the world is your poor wife Facebook friends with your brother if he sends her messages like that? Facebook including messenger has very simple blocking she can use.

Their bad behavior is winding you up and youíre correct that theyíre acting badly but you can only control yourself. It sounds like limiting family access to you is in order.

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Andeza

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2019, 06:17:39 PM »
If I got a message saying only "Dad called" I'd probably reply "Oh, that's nice."  :ninja: Be obtuse, they can use their words, they are adults after all. Or, might just ignore it. Your choice really how you deal with them, but as WomanInterrupted likes to say, I think it's time to start malfunctioning on every single thing. That way your dad gets the idea that he can't rely on you. Or at least he should... but our PD people rarely take a hint.

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WomanInterrupted

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2019, 06:38:25 PM »
I agree - anybody abusing FB in that way, wouldn't be doing it to me for long.  I'd unfriend and block them, and strongly suggest you and your wife do just that.   :yes:

I'd also block your brother's number and severely limit how he can get in touch with you, since he makes DEMANDS and doesn't *ask*, like a normal person.  :roll:

After receiving a summons like, "DAD CALLED,"  haven't you *ever* been tempted to fire back, "So?  Do you have two broken arms and two broken legs?  Get off your duff and take care of it, for a change."  :evil2:

"Dad is worried."

No, dad is NOT worried.  He's *angry* that he hasn't gotten an instant reply, followed by immediate gratification of his needs and wants.  :roll:

If you block your brother, you won't have to deal with that nonsense.  8-)

I *love* the idea of an autoresponse for work hours - but I'd actually keep it on *all the time* and let him leave VM's, that you read once a week, if you choose to.

Or you can just set it to hang up, and your father will have to look elsewhere for his supply.   :ninja:

 :hug:

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2019, 06:23:22 AM »
I used to get these - Preface: All mother's calls go straight to voicemail. Her cell is blocked because she abused the privilege; she'd get wound up and send a barrage of abusive texts and refuse to actually talk to me. She'd rather pound away and get it out of her system, all the while complaining that I need to explain this to her. Endless circular bs of her own making.

I couldn't turn off the notifier since I use my phone for work. I tried talking to her about this several times, finally snapped and decided I'd rather bypass those messages altogether. She's not at all happy about my choice but there ya go.

That said, mine also called during the workday, every time. My work schedule has been the same for at least 10yrs, yet she'd claim she couldnt keep up with my schedule. Granted she may lose track of the day, but really - repeatedly call me at 10am or 230pm in the middle of the week, never on a weekend, never late than 3pm? She knows what she's doing. I can't, don't and won't take personal calls during the workday and she knows this too.

No, really. You're at work. You never ever want to call them from work because WORK. 99% of it can keep. I'd suggest any text response be "I'm at work. If it's an emergency you need to call 911. Otherwise I'll have to talk to you later." Maybe set up an autoresponder just for his number so you don't have to keep repeating yourself. May want to do same for your brother. Then call or not at your leisure.  :bigwink:

Know what you mean. In the past I'vet old Dad if he needs something its OK to call me in work. Pretty easy where I work and nobody cares really.

BUT I do have work to do. If it can wait, then wait. TV not working is not something that can't wait until 5pm in my book.

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2019, 06:24:31 AM »
Obviously your various family members arenít going to act like adults (or even competent children) so Iím afraid itís on you to stop the drama. Start blocking more numbers. If you feel uncomfortable with no way to contact you pick one thatís the least disruptive. And why in the world is your poor wife Facebook friends with your brother if he sends her messages like that? Facebook including messenger has very simple blocking she can use.

Their bad behavior is winding you up and youíre correct that theyíre acting badly but you can only control yourself. It sounds like limiting family access to you is in order.

Yes wife is no longer facebook friends.....

Still don't understand why it was such an emergency that I had to speak to him.....

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2019, 06:30:29 AM »
I agree - anybody abusing FB in that way, wouldn't be doing it to me for long.  I'd unfriend and block them, and strongly suggest you and your wife do just that.   :yes:

I'd also block your brother's number and severely limit how he can get in touch with you, since he makes DEMANDS and doesn't *ask*, like a normal person.  :roll:

After receiving a summons like, "DAD CALLED,"  haven't you *ever* been tempted to fire back, "So?  Do you have two broken arms and two broken legs?  Get off your duff and take care of it, for a change."  :evil2:

"Dad is worried."

No, dad is NOT worried.  He's *angry* that he hasn't gotten an instant reply, followed by immediate gratification of his needs and wants.  :roll:

If you block your brother, you won't have to deal with that nonsense.  8-)

I *love* the idea of an autoresponse for work hours - but I'd actually keep it on *all the time* and let him leave VM's, that you read once a week, if you choose to.

Or you can just set it to hang up, and your father will have to look elsewhere for his supply.   :ninja:

 :hug:

Of course WI - Dads "worried" is "Dads not getting his own way".

I spoke to him after this and he tried to say he can't help it he gets worried and he was worried they's send bailiffs around. (same word in usa? - people who come and take you're belonging if you don't pay your bills)

Yes - one letter, they give you an hour then kick your front door in. More like he didn't want to wait and wanted me sort it NOW. (This is the guy who in the past, used to get a utility bill, take a bundle of cash to post office, wait till it opened at 9am to pay it because "they like it if you pay early and I dont want to get in trouble". Used to worry me a bit. He pays by bank now but he hates it.

Anyway, I did say look Dad if you can't cope with normal things that, OK need sorting but generally are just things that happen, without getting into a state, you really need to consider whether living alone is the best option. He shut up then!
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 07:19:22 PM by xredshoesx »

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2019, 06:37:27 AM »
UPDATE - as expected I told him the satellite company knew of the issue. His box is old so it'd cost £60 for an engineer. BUT they'd fix it and give him new box if needed. You'd have thought I'd told him he had to donate a kidney. "£60!!! - daylight robbery. How on earth can it cost more than £10 for an engineer to visit". What planet are you on?

So anyway, the problem was half the channels dont work. So hes decided, to save the £60, he doesn't watch the ones not working much anyway. So the service he pays £60 a month for hes going to half use because he won't pay to have it fixed. Good idea that! Of course, me telling him that it might well break completely and be ZERO channels didnt work. The lure of that £60 staying in his bank account (along with the other £40,0000) was too strong.

Of course, he knows I'm away for three weeks in a weeks time.... I aint sorting out an engineer visit for him then. Other side of the world, 5 hours time difference, I aint sitting on "its a small world" speaking to his TV provider. I'll be leaving login details for brother and he can book it.

I can see it now (using WIs style of writing here - its so good):-

"My TV has gone - I cant watch anything"
"I've been stuck in the house all week and I can't watch anything......"
"What am I going to do? Why does this always happen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
"Can you phone them NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

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ingenting

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2019, 07:47:50 AM »
So typical. Forbid you have a life of your own and can't answer immediately  :roll: My NPDgran does this too. She'll keep calling back to back, hoping that I'd pick up. When I called her back, it wasn't any emergency or related to my son. I dealt with it by informing her of my boundary (if you call, call once and leave one message) then blocking her number when she crossed it. The phone tells when she called, then I get back to her when I am able to.

What is up with your brother btw? I wouldn't let him push the responsibility of dealing with father's nonsense. Block, block, block. That goes for anyone else in your family that pulls that crap.

Fiasco suggested that it is on you to end the drama and its impact on you.. I agree with this 100%. There are strategies you can use to keep a safe distance from the drama, if you want that. Not being an attractive source of supply means your dad and brother and whoever else will go somewhere else to get their needs met.

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2019, 01:20:17 PM »
So typical. Forbid you have a life of your own and can't answer immediately  :roll: My NPDgran does this too. She'll keep calling back to back, hoping that I'd pick up. When I called her back, it wasn't any emergency or related to my son. I dealt with it by informing her of my boundary (if you call, call once and leave one message) then blocking her number when she crossed it. The phone tells when she called, then I get back to her when I am able to.

What is up with your brother btw? I wouldn't let him push the responsibility of dealing with father's nonsense. Block, block, block. That goes for anyone else in your family that pulls that crap.

Fiasco suggested that it is on you to end the drama and its impact on you.. I agree with this 100%. There are strategies you can use to keep a safe distance from the drama, if you want that. Not being an attractive source of supply means your dad and brother and whoever else will go somewhere else to get their needs met.

Yes I have drastically cut contact right down. I worked out the more I spoke to him the more drama I was expected to solve.

I still get comments like "thought you'd have visited this weekend". I said on another thread - offered to take him out sunday to a sporting event. He refused to go. Weather looked bad - it might be cancelled - he automatically assumed this "free time" was now free for me to visit him. Luckily it didnt rain but I know he'll have been watching the weather.

Brother is blocked now. Dad thinks its all ok but its not. Suits me just fine.

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #14 on: August 14, 2019, 01:31:25 PM »
Yes I have drastically cut contact right down. I worked out the more I spoke to him the more drama I was expected to solve.
Brother is blocked now. Dad thinks its all ok but its not. Suits me just fine.

This is good news p123! I'm happy to read you're protecting yourself and your family from further poor treatment  :applause:

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2019, 07:05:39 AM »
Yes I have drastically cut contact right down. I worked out the more I spoke to him the more drama I was expected to solve.
Brother is blocked now. Dad thinks its all ok but its not. Suits me just fine.

This is good news p123! I'm happy to read you're protecting yourself and your family from further poor treatment  :applause:

Had no choice. I'm sure we'd all like to have the time and energy to do what we can for parents. BUT I'd be divorced by now if it had carried on.

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2019, 11:29:12 AM »
Ah I knew it was coming. "Well you'll have 5 mins to sort this out for me when you're away if it goes wrong won't you?"

Its the TEST again. I've had it MANY times. How dare I go away with my family and spend over two weeks not even doing one thing for him? Its the TEST to make sure that hes important and I'll do what he says. I can GUARANTEE hes sitting there hoping it will go wrong when I'm away.


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WomanInterrupted

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2019, 02:17:13 AM »
And if it doesn't break, he might help it on its way, which is why I suggested in your other thread that the phone stays OFF, in your hotel room - and I'll add  that you *just delete his phone messages, after you listen to them* - and *do not reply.*   :ninja:

He is NOT going to send the Florida State Police to check in on you, nor will he call the FBI.

Even if he does, they'll just check with customs to make sure you passed through, and probably won't do anything else, unless he tells them it's an emergency - then they  might try to track you down, and so help,
me, if the TV was the *emergency* I'd go NC on the spot!   :blowup:

But if he hates this country as much as you say, I doubt he'll make the effort.  He probably thinks you deserve to be "gotten" by all our free-range criminals - for "worrying" him (aka he did NOT get what he wants).  :dramaqueen: :mad:

When your dad makes statements about  being able to reach you, and you *needing* to spend "only" 5 minutes on his problem, a good Medium Chill response is, "I'll see what I can do."  :ninja:

This is a double-edged sword, because what you CAN do is *not give it another thought and turn your phone off.*   :ninja:

 :hug:

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p123

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Re: That dreaded voicemail in the middle of the working day
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2019, 06:21:40 AM »
And if it doesn't break, he might help it on its way, which is why I suggested in your other thread that the phone stays OFF, in your hotel room - and I'll add  that you *just delete his phone messages, after you listen to them* - and *do not reply.*   :ninja:

He is NOT going to send the Florida State Police to check in on you, nor will he call the FBI.

Even if he does, they'll just check with customs to make sure you passed through, and probably won't do anything else, unless he tells them it's an emergency - then they  might try to track you down, and so help,
me, if the TV was the *emergency* I'd go NC on the spot!   :blowup:

But if he hates this country as much as you say, I doubt he'll make the effort.  He probably thinks you deserve to be "gotten" by all our free-range criminals - for "worrying" him (aka he did NOT get what he wants).  :dramaqueen: :mad:

When your dad makes statements about  being able to reach you, and you *needing* to spend "only" 5 minutes on his problem, a good Medium Chill response is, "I'll see what I can do."  :ninja:

This is a double-edged sword, because what you CAN do is *not give it another thought and turn your phone off.*   :ninja:

 :hug:

Thanks WI. All true.

He would LOVE it if he thought I had to do something for him when I was away. It would prove to him that I'm still there to boss around. Weird because most normal people, I guess, would feel guilty about contacting someone when they were away. Not Dad at all. His favourite sentence is "there'll be other times". In other words, ME ME ME, everything else can take a back seat.

No he won't call the police in FL. What he will probably do is tell brother to facebook message me. Wont work any more cos hes blocked now after last time.

Im visiting sunday - planning to write down the phone no so he can call them himself.

He won't like it. Never likes to use the phone. "can't hear" (put your hearing aid in) or "gets flustered" (take a deep breath). All good excuses to get someone else to phone for you.